Episode 022: Eating Freely

For the first time in my life, I am eating freely. I’m not thinking about food for weight-loss, nor makes me feel shame. In today’s episode, I am sharing what my relationship with food has looked like in the past and how for the first time in 30+ years, I’m eating freely.

Review the Show Notes:

My Experiences with For, My Grandma, and My Body (1:32)

My Health Conditions with Food (2:19)

Shame in Food (2:42)

Food & Weight-loss (4:40)

Eating Freely for the First Time in My Life (5:14)

Review the Transcript:

Welcome to some place for everybody where we talk about belonging and being a human in our bodies and living in and learning to love our bodies. I’m your host, Carly someplace. This podcast is brought to you by someplace that midges Goodwater, everybody, you can see the full show notes at some place for everybody.com. Now, let’s change some self perspectives.

Hey, it’s currently someplace and I am incredibly excited to share with you some more of my own thoughts. I always pause and wonder if y’all get tired of hearing me. But you’ll continue to rate and review and subscribe and download. So I guess you like me, which is really cool. And I really appreciate it. So honestly, thank you from the bottom of my heart for those likes and reviews, the conversations that we’re having around the subjects that I’m bringing up, and the guests that I’m bringing on, it really makes me so incredibly happy just to see your feedback and be able to move forward in different types of conversations and to have new experiences with people to have open and honest conversations about bodies to have open and honest conversations about so many, many incredible things. And thanks for being on this journey. So I really want to talk about food today.

And food is kind of a heavy subject in so many different ways. And what I really want to talk about is a lot of my own journey with food. If you’ve listened to the entirety of the podcast, you’ve heard me talk about my grandmother, and some of the experiences that I had when I was younger in involving food and involving my grandmother, and involving my body in specific ways. And, and one of the big things that I want to talk about with food is I want to talk about where I am right now with food. I’m not going to lie to you, I love food. And that is totally okay. I love just getting to experience new things, eat and try new things. Unfortunately, for me, I have ulcerative colitis, I’m allergic to some pretty common ingredients, which makes eating out kind of difficult, or even just going to a friend’s house for simple dinner. I have to be pretty cautionary about my allergies and my intolerances. Just in the food world.

And that’s it like, it brings so much shame to me to have to like tell somebody that I can’t eat something. And I hate that. I don’t know where that came from down to the point where like, I was at breakfast with a friend. were my best friends Channing probably five years ago at this point. And I ordered corned beef hash, and it came out I didn’t say anything about peppers. I’m allergic to bell peppers and jalapeno peppers and all peppers. Not peppercorns, but peppers the vegetable. And so we were out at breakfast and I ordered a thing, a plate of corned beef hash. It said nothing about peppers on the menu whatsoever. And when it arrived, the entire thing had red orange and green bell peppers in it. And I had to send it back to the kitchen. And I felt such shame for having to send something back to the kitchen because I couldn’t eat it. And I looked at Channing and I was like, No, it’s okay, I could just pick them out. And these are like super finely chopped, diced into this corned beef hash. And she looked at the waiter and she was like, I’m so sorry, I’m gonna do this for her because for some reason she’s feeling shame around this. But she can’t eat this. She’s allergic to peppers. If we could get this remade.

There was nothing about peppers on the menu. That’s why she ordered it. And the leader was like, Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. Let me move forward with that. Let me get this, you know, taken care of I apologize. I didn’t realize I should have asked if there were any allergies. And the shame that I felt around that is something that really kind of drives me wild because it really is something that will make me extremely sick. And yet I feel like I’m an inconvenience when I asked to not have it. And I think it’s because I’ve watched. So I’ve just I’ve just experienced not even just watched but experience so many people who are so particular about their food for one reason or another. But the biggest one that it comes down to is that people can be very particular about their food because of weight loss and choosing food and what food they’re eating for their body to specifically lose weight. And there’s no right or wrong way to have a body and there’s no right or wrong way to lose weight or there is no body be shaped that you need to be or need to have, let’s just preface it with that period. But what I really want to talk about, and this has been like, heavy kind of on my heart in the last couple days, because it’s a really kind of shocking revelation for myself is that I, for the first time in my life, I’m at a point where I am eating freely.

And I’m going to say that in the capacity of I eat what I want, when I want to, and I have consciously stepped away from any weight loss or weight loss programs or diets or specific food, anything like knowing oh my gosh, you need to be eating, you know, less starch or less carbs, or less anything. And I’ve, I’ve really stepped away from that in the past year, and I’ve just truly found myself for the first time in my life, just enjoying, and it makes me and here’s this, this is why it’s been weighing heavy on my heart is because that I’m 33 years old. And for the first time in my life, I’m getting to just eat what I want, when I want and not feel the implications of society and what I weigh on me. And have I gained weight? Yes. But do I care? No. And most specifically, do I care? Because I get to experience these, these things, and I get to eat what I want. And like, like, yeah, of course, there’s some junk food in there.

But like, I really love asparagus, and artichokes are my favorite thing on the face of the planet. But I also really love sourdough bread. And when I was being raised, I was told, Well, if you eat too much sourdough, it, it immediately turns to sugar in your stomach, and then, you know, it’s not good for you, and it’s gonna make you gain weight. And shirt, true, cool, whatever. But like, the fact that I have never in my life, I’m in my 30s that I’ve never just eaten freely, without the consciousness of what is this going to do to my body? And how is this going to change me physically? And how is this going to change? how people perceive me? And most specifically, am I eating something? Because it’s going to make me lose weight? Or am I going? Am I eating something? Because I frickin like it. And right now in my life, I can say that I’m choosing things that bring me joy, food wise, like fuck, I love macaroni and cheese. I love it. Annie’s white cheddar macaroni and cheese, you are my ultimate everything. And I think I think I’m getting to this realization that like if I feel like this, how do others feel? How do you feel? Have you ever eaten freely in your life?

Have you ever sat down and just enjoyed a meal to enjoy it and not had that nagging thought of oh my god, that was so many calories, oh my gosh, I should go to the gym tomorrow. Oh my gosh, I should bla bla bla bla bla bullshit. And it’s really, it’s really been heavy on me that this is the first time in my life that I’m truly just enjoying what I eat, without suffering consequence or feeling like there is an ultimate consequence or feeling like I’m cheating on a diet or feeling like I’m gonna fuck myself up. Because I’m just eating what tastes good, and eating what feels good. It’s a really big revelation. It’s a really big thing. And it’s been really scary to look at my life and realize that that much of it has been focused on being smaller and being accepted by society and choosing things and consciously eating things, with the hope that it will change my body. Learning to love and accept ourselves as a constant, constant journey. An incredibly, incredibly important one. And I urge you to just start accepting where you are, and start accepting who you are, and to start doing things for you. And that can be moving your body that could be cooking, whatever feels and tastes amazing to you and that could be anything but just living in your truth and letting it exist is so incredibly empowering and powerful. And you deserve it. I deserve it. We all deserve it. We deserve to eat freely.

We deserve to indulge. We deserve to move our bodies just in ways that it makes us happy and not because of a scale or because of society. We deserve that. You deserve that. And I deserve that. And I hope that you can move forward and choose things for yourself. Thanks so much for listening to someplace for everybody. If you love this episode, would you mind leaving me a review in your favorite podcast app and subscribe to the show. If you’re looking for a community to love on you and support you in your self love Journey, come join our all gender Facebook group someplace for everybody which can be found in the show notes at someplace for everybody.com Until we meet again, be kind to yourself.