As we head into summer in many parts of the world, we’re faced with the expectations of “the bikini body” and being “summer ready.” In today’s episode, I want to encourage you to rethink these societal standards that have been placed on us, focus on the expectations you have for society, and what you can do to make those shifts!As we head into summer in many parts of the world, we’re faced with the expectations of “the bikini body” and being “summer ready.” In today’s episode, I want to encourage you to rethink these societal standards that have been placed on us, focus on the expectations you have for society, and what you can do to make those shifts!
Review the Show Notes:
Bikini Body Season (1:00)
The Different Seasons (1:56)
The Expectations of a Bikini Body & Summer Looks (3:27)
Fashion & Beauty Industry Impact on Expectations (4:21)
“Shed Your Weight” Seasons (5:36)
Write down what you think about the expectations that are being put on you (7:50)
Expectation My Grandmother Gave Me (8:50)
Clothes Come in All Sizes (12:40)
I’m Creating Expectations for Society (13:09)
Review the Transcript:
Hey, welcome to some place for everybody where we talk about belonging and being a human in our bodies in living in and learning to love our bodies. I’m your host Carly’s place. This podcast is brought to you by some place images, boudoir for everybody. You can see the full show notes at some place for everybody.com. Now, let’s change some self perspectives.
Hi, y’all, it’s Carly someplace. And I am back to talk about more expectations and boundaries. I don’t want to be like, Are you all tired of those because probably, but at the same time, like this is so incredibly important. Certainly want to talk about expectations and boundaries on ourselves. And I really, let’s just like dive right in to the expectations of this time of year. It’s spring, mostly, the weather in a lot of places can’t decide what it’s doing. So we’ll all agree on that. I’m sure.
However, this is the type of year. This is the type of time of year that there’s a lot of expectations around what your body should be soon. Right now is probably when you’re seeing a lot of things pop up saying, oh my gosh, is your bikini body ready? Is your body ready for summer? Are you ready for summer? Is your body ready for this new bathing suit? Have you seen these things? Get your detox tea? Are you back sing? Are you shaving? Are you doing all of these other things? Can we talk about these expectations for a second? Because they’re like wild? To me, these are absolutely wild expectations.
Listen, there’s a natural ebb and flow of seasons. And I think that there’s a lot that can be learned from the way that the seasons flow and how we flow within them. And I think that watching, like listen, we want to feel snuggly during the winter, we want to eat heavier things hardier things, stews, and soups and like, deep things. Absolutely. And in the summer, we want to eat watermelon that’s just dripping down your face. And we want to drink lemonade, that’s ice cold. And we want to do these things. And we have an entire different set of food standards. Right.
Okay, throughout the summer, and throughout the winter. We won’t pull spring and fall in there, let’s just do two seasons. But But really, I guess, I mean, we can pull them in there we can in the spring, we’re starting to rediscover you know, the things that we’re wanting to be outside and do these things and, and the way that our bodies naturally gravitate towards these things that we want to eat. And the way that our bodies change throughout the season is like, seasons in general, is completely freaking normal. It is human nature.
However, this capitalistic society that we live in, has come in and taken this and taken all of our power of how our bodies change and shift from winter into summer and brought it down to are you bikini body ready. This is one of the biggest expectations that I want to talk about is that your body needs to change dramatically and be better to be in a bathing suit. Okay, so we’re going to talk about this personal boundary, because I think that it really is an expectation from society. If you’re going to wear a bikini, the expectation is that you have perky boobs, and you have a flat stomach, and that you’re gonna get these cute little cheeky tan lines, and you’re gonna do all of this other stuff. And that that is the best way to wear a bathing suit. And that you and this is me and generalizing overgeneralizing in so many ways, because it fucking pisses me off, and we’re going to continue talking about it.
That you shouldn’t have cellulite, that you shouldn’t have body hair that your bikini body needs to do this. And before the season even starts that you need to be tan. So oh my gosh, you better go get these chemicals to put on your skin to self tan. And you better go to a tanning bed and you better be working on glowing and having this summer vibe. There’s even seasons for hair your summer. You know, summer hair should be warmer and lighter and look like it’s sunkissed. And your winter hair can be darker and moodier and all of these things. Where are these expectations coming from? These expectations are coming from the beauty industry wanting to make money and the fashion industry wanting to make money.
But these natural ebbs and flows that we have within the seasons are something that is coming from our body. And it’s something that’s coming from the earth and the way that the seasons rotate and our planetary solar system and the way that we experience it. And those expectations are the ones that I want to lean into. I want to lean into what feels natural and organic, which is that we’re coming out of this heavy, darker period. And as we approach summer solstice and as we approach these days and things are getting lighter lighter and lighter and lighter, we want to feel lighter. But we feel lighter in ways of doing things like taking off all of the warm layers. Like how lovely is it to be able to go outside and just wear a light sweater instead of a down jacket? How lovely is it to be able to put on sandals instead of boots, we shove these layers and this expectation to feel lighter. And society has taken that and brought this very natural experience of coming out of winter and into spring and heading into summer as shed all of this weight. This weight from your physical body, not this weight from winter. And, and maybe it sounds like I’m saying the same thing when I say that, but like taking off layers of clothing and taking off.
And and choosing to not eat these like very nutritious, deep, deep, deep things that are heavy winter things is the way that our bodies are telling us, hey, it’s summer. Now, I know that during the winter, like I don’t want to eat a salad. It’s just like not nothing’s fresh, it’s not my favorite. And that’s the thing is that we, as humans have gotten into this flow of this society and be like, Oh, it’s expected from you year round. And your body is expected to be a specific way around. But like, we hit fall, and it’s like, okay, you can go back to being frumpy again, you can just add a sweater on top of it, you can be chunky, underneath of that you can be fat, you can do all of these things. Yet, here we are in the season where the expectation put on us. And the expectation that we’re even expecting of ourselves is that we have a bikini body. And I really want to, like break that down into so why it’s so bad. I think we all know why it’s so bad. It’s the thing is that your body exists, your body is absolutely amazing, just as it is right now, just as it is right now.
And there needs to be so much amazing influence around you, that shows you that it’s okay to be you and to have your body exists just exactly as it is. And I want you to feel that. And I want you to know that I want you to know that no matter what you weigh. And no matter what you look like, and no matter what your body shape is, if you’re an apple or a pear or whatever the fuck, who gives a fuck, who gives a fuck, I want you to shrug the expectation that society has put on you that your body needs to be a specific way in order to stand in the sunshine. And to feel the sun on your skin and be not covered up to be in a bathing suit or to be in a bikini or to just enjoy the water and life and the ocean or the pool or any body of water. To feel the sunshine on your skin is so incredibly important.
So I want to challenge you, I really want to challenge you to write down what you think about these expectations that are being put on you. And are you playing into them? Are you following them? Are you saying? Okay, yeah, I mean, I sorta like think about my bikini body or whatever. But like, Oh, haha, it’s not that I’m working on it, we don’t need to work on it. You just need to exist. You just need to exist and be yourself and be who you are and be in your body because your body is beautiful and your body is worthy. And your body is so incredibly worthy, as it is right in this moment. And as it will be when we hit summer. And as it will be when we hit fall again, your body is worthy of being loved and being cherished and seeing the sunshine and feeling water and doing all of these things from this big, big expectation that is put on us that we have to be a specific way. And I want to I want to talk about the personal expectations that we have for this.
Like, okay, let me rewind for a second to talk about my grandmother for a moment. And I want to talk about a an expectation that she essentially like gave me she was like, okay, at some point in your life, you’ll decide to lose the weight for you. Like it’s just gonna make sense. And you’re just gonna do it for you. And then it’s gonna feel really good when you do it for you. And she put this in my head over and over and over again that at some point, I should feel like I want to lose this weight for myself. I’m going to start with there’s nothing wrong with what I weigh. Absolutely nothing wrong with what I weigh.
So I don’t think that this shift of like, you should want to do this for you know, I want to be me. For me. I want to have a boundary that saying that is a no go in my life now. That telling me that is a reason that I don’t want to speak to you anymore. That working on telling me that like, I’m going to want to do something for me, and it’s going to be losing Wait, that’s not the society I want to be a part of. Those are not the boundaries that I have for myself, the boundaries that I have for myself, protect me from really, really harmful narratives like that. And I think that they should be protecting you from them as well. She got into my head by telling me that I was going to choose myself. And I think what she doesn’t realize, and that what so many people don’t realize is that I choose myself every single day, I choose to love myself how I am, I choose to love myself by putting up boundaries for my relationship with her. I choose to love myself by putting up boundaries, and not subscribing to social feeds that preach that type of bullshit, that tell you that you have to have a bikini body that sell you detox teas that only show you shapewear that only show you a specific body type, that talk about how being thin is the only way to be, I don’t subscribe to any of that bullshit. I’ve put up so many boundaries, to not let that noise be part of my own narrative, to not let that be in my own head that I need to change, to be better to be worthy of sunshine to be worthy of literally the earth, touching my skin and the sunshine touching my skin. And that for my skin to be out.
It needs to be smaller, that there doesn’t need to be cellulite, that there doesn’t need to be dimples, that there doesn’t need to be anything. And it’s bullshit. My body and my personal boundaries. And my personal expectations of myself are something that I can lean back on. Because I’ve shifted those. What do I expect of myself this season, I expect a lot of things from myself for my business, I expect a lot of myself for so many different things for my relationship, I expect to be a better partner, I expect to be these things because I’m giving myself these expectations, I have the expectation that I want to be able to be an example for people who’ve never worn a bathing suit for the first time. That’s the expectation I want to set. I want somebody to look at me and be like, Wow, my body looks similar. If she can do it, I can do it too. Wow, she’s wearing something that I would love to wear, you do it too, boo, you do it too, I want to be that expectation, I don’t want to be the expectation that my body needs to change to be anything other than what it is just for a season, just for a specific piece of clothes, clothes come in all sizes, clothes can be modified, bathing suits can be modified, things can be created to fit us to make us feel like our best selves.
And those are the expectations we should be having. Not that society should be having of us. Those are the expectations that we should be having a society. And by putting boundaries in place that don’t let that toxic bullshit into my life. I am creating those expectations. I’m expecting society to get better. I’m expecting society to get their shit to gather and stop thinking this way. I’m working on doing this. I’m working on being part of that change. I’m working on so many different things. And I’m holding my own boundaries against society, for my personal wellbeing, for my personal everything, and I really hope you are too. And I really hope that something that I’ve said has resonated with you. Because it should, your body shouldn’t have to change just for a season. Your body shouldn’t have to be a specific way, just for a season.
And I hope that, again, I know I’ve discussed expectations and boundaries so many times because they’re so incredibly important. I’m hoping that you’re flipping these expectations for yourself. I’m hoping that you’re putting expectations on yourself have very different proportions than what society is putting on us. And I hope that these expectations you’re putting on yourself are being held through your own boundaries, and those expectations, our expectations of growth, and not expectations of shrinking. Growth is such a phenomenal word. And it can describe so many incredible things. And I think that we need to dive deeper into that, that we need to dive deeper into growth and we need to stop, stop, stop feeling like we need to shrink at every possible moment. Until we meet again. Be kind to yourself. flip those expectations around.
Expect more of society, expect more of them and put your boundaries in place so that you can have those expectations of them. and not feel trampled when they put them and they turn them on you and they keep trying to push these boundaries that you have for the expectations that they have. You can do it, we can all do it. We can change the world, slowly, one body at a time, one bikini body at a time. We can take our personal expectations of the world and scream them from the rooftops and start pushing back and start having hard boundaries and things might start to change, or so I hope. Thanks so much for listening to someplace for everybody. If you love this episode, would you mind leaving me a review on your favorite podcast app and subscribe to the show. If you’re looking for a community to live on you and support you and your self love Journey, come join our all gender Facebook group someplace for everybody which can be found in the show notes at someplace for everybody.com Until we meet again, be kind to yourself.