Episode 008: Talking Pleasure with Dr. Ashley Zimmerman

We’ve been taught that pleasure and sex aren’t really something we should discuss—but this is my podcast and I’m ready to break the barriers to normalize these conversations. In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Ashley Zimmerman, a pelvic health physical therapist and pleasure coach, to discuss that important word we often feel shame for—pleasure. Not only are we discussing pleasure in sex, but in everyday life. Come join us in this playful, yet thoughtfully open conversation.

Trigger Warning: Before you listen to this episode, please note that we do discuss sexual trauma and miscarriage in this episode.

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Review the Show Notes

Meet Dr. Ashley Zimmerman (00:43)

What’s a Pleasure Coach? (2:16)

How Carly & Ashley Met (7:37)

Think About the Word Pleasure (8:54)

Sex Education (9:45)

Pleasure Isn’t Just Sexual (25:24)

Exploring Your Own Pleasures & Filling the Cracks in You (30:13)

Ashley’s Turning Point in Self Love (40:47)

Trauma in Life (45:42)

Resources on Journey (52: 14)
Come as You Are
Wild Feminine by Tammy Lynn Kent

Experiencing Safe Spaces (55:19)

Advice for Younger Self (1:03:30)

Connect with Dr. Ashley Zimmerman

instagram.com/ashleydpt

drashleyzimmerman@gmail.com

Let’s Connect:

instagram.com/someplaceimages

instagram.com/carlysomeplace

Review the Transcript:

Carly Someplace
Welcome to some place for everybody where we talk about belonging and being a human in our bodies and living in and learning to love our bodies. I’m your host, Carly someplace. This podcast is brought to you by someplace that midges Goodwater, everybody, you can see the full show notes at some place for everybody.com. Now, let’s change some self perspectives. Hi, everybody, I’m Carly someplace. And I’m so excited to introduce you to my friend, Dr. Ashley Zimmerman. Ashley, will you tell us a little bit more about your doctorness, and all of all of the things because I’m so excited for you to be on this podcast?

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
The Doctorness that was nice. So hello, everyone, I am a doctor of physical therapy. But I specifically specialize in treating the pelvic floor. And so what that entails is anybody with pelvic floor dysfunction, which if you’re not familiar with that think incontinence, which is any kind of leaking of urine or bowel that you didn’t intend, even if it’s just a couple drops, pelvic organ prolapse, which is when some of the pelvic organs they start to move, and they actually start to migrate, or they can I should say, they can migrate outside of your body outside of the openings, whether it’s vaginal, or rectal. And then I treat a lot of people probably the most is like the perinatal area. So if you’re pregnant, or postpartum, and then those who have pain with intercourse, got it? Yeah.

Carly Someplace
Very intensive subjects. Yes,

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
it is. And a lot of times, it’s heavy. And it involves, you know, all of the big traumas that you can imagine, and all of the small traumas that you can imagine and all equally important in when it comes to treatment and really allowing space for healing. I think a lot of times, it’s the big traumas that, like, get all the glory, right, like those things that we should pay attention to. And it’s really unfortunate that we don’t pay attention to the smaller ones. Yeah. So I do that. And I and I am also a pleasure coach. Whoo. Yes.

Carly Someplace
I love it. And I want you to tell me more about that. Because that’s new, right?

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Yes, this is new. And it’s been a long time coming. And this past year has been, honestly the hardest in every single way that you could interpret that, but it’s funny, because this was kind of thrown in to my life as like, Okay, well, here.

Carly Someplace
This is what sometimes the best things are and it just like, happened, you’re like, Okay, I guess.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
I yeah, I mean, like, literally felt incredibly last. And then had a couple people reach out. And I was like, Yeah, I can do that. And then I was like, Wait a second. This is like, the love of my life. And so what it is, is I, you know, we can talk more about any parts of this, but there’s a whole movement out there about, like having the best sex of your life and like having a big orgasm every time you have sex. And I think that it’s, I think that that’s great. I think it serves its purpose. But unfortunately, what I also think that that does is it puts the pressure on the owner of the vulva.

Carly Someplace
Right? I’m set very unrealistic expectations. Yes,

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
exactly. And it can be very, very damaging. And this is what we do I feel like in the society is we like, find the next cool thing. Right? And then we push it and it’s all over the place. Right? And it can just be very, very detrimental to if it’s, you know, if it’s misused. Yeah, I think that there’s Yeah, like, do I think there’s a place for that? 100%. But pleasure, honestly has nothing to do with sex. And if you have pleasure in your life, can it enhance your sexual experience? 100%. And so what we can talk about is like, what are the different types of orgasms? And how can you if that is something that you’re interested in? 100% Let’s talk about it. And let’s get you to the place where you want to be, but like, where his pleasure in your life where his pleasure in your body? And how are you living that day to day because that’s ultimately the goal, right is it’s like, how are we showing up in the world with pleasure, so that everything in our life is just better?

Carly Someplace
I love that.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Yeah. Yeah. And so I have like four I don’t know if you want to call him like pillars that like, he’s really like, encompass so like, the first one is education because we can’t do a whole lot if you don’t know your body mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically, we can’t get really far. And so we meet you where you’re at. And sometimes it involves the sex education that you never got, that we all should have gotten. Yes, 100

Carly Someplace
I still believe in that

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
involve hard for believing that. Yes, it involves the cycle education that you deserve, but never got, um, or, you know, wherever you’re at on that, like, right, so we can customize it to where your knowledge level is that because it’s, that’s one of the things too is that this this world around sex is often very shameful. Yes. And terrifying. Yes. And so, like, it’s just, it’s such a bogus, really.

Carly Someplace
And in the expression, obviously, sex and sexuality, obviously, I do with images, there’s a lot of shame that comes around, generally women, I obviously shoot everybody, but generally women of being like, Well, why would you want those done? And why would you do it? For yourself? Yeah, it kind of comes boudoir kind of comes with this expectation that it’s for your partner, and that it’s more, or like your significant other and that absolutely 100% is not the case, I would say like more than 50% of the time, I absolutely have people who want to gift something to their partner, or for their wedding day or for an anniversary or for something. And I’m so many other people who come in. And it’s a reclamation of power. And it’s a reclamation of self, or it’s a I want to feel more comfortable in my body and I want to be able to see myself as more sexy and I want to see myself as more beautiful. And seeing that through a different person’s perspective is a huge thing. But there’s so much shame and stigmatization around like, feeling sexual or looking sexual and then unquote, asking for sex. When it’s not because it’s, it’s, there’s so much stigma around sex and body and boudoir and, and pleasure and anything. And it’s, it’s just so interesting. And so I feel like honestly, we’re probably going to have to do two episodes, we’re going to do one about sex and pleasure. And we’re going to do a lot about pelvic health. Like you and I could probably talk for like three hours,

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
probably. Yeah. Yeah.

Carly Someplace
And so I’ll do a little, I’ll say that. So I technically first met you through Facebook through my Facebook group. And you and I did like a, I guess it would kind of be like a coaching session, you coached people in my group and answered a bunch of questions, and sat down and had an entire conversation. We did it over two days. And it was amazing, of being able to talk about pelvic wellness, and pelvic floor questions and different things like that, which was so incredibly helpful for a lot of people. And such an amazing resource and was really, really frickin cool. And so I’m so excited to like, hear more in this pleasure, everything because it’s I go so hand in hand, obviously, with what you already do. So I’m very excited. So we’ll definitely do two episodes. So we’ll focus on Azure for this one. Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you’re very excited about so. Oh, gosh, I don’t even know where to start. Like what? I guess what would be so if somebody came to see you for pleasure? What would be like the first initial questions that you would ask them? Or like, for coaching in that direction? I obviously know that pleasure is different for everybody. We generally state that. Do it that totally is for everybody. So but I’m so curious.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Yeah. So I mean, I think this is like something that everybody can do right now that’s listening is just to think about the word pleasure, right? Because when people think of pleasure, often what they think of it, I shouldn’t say, I mean, not everybody is like this, right? But often there is a some kind of connection to sex. And that can be really difficult for some people, because of their whether it’s their upbringing, or traumas that have happened in the past, and I want there to be a break of pleasure does not equal sex. And, you know, if we’re going to talk about, like, if we’re going to state that we have to understand that sex is also not just penis and vagina penetration. Absolutely. Is what, again, the common belief is,

Carly Someplace
right, and what basic sex education tells you if it was even offered in your school. Yeah, exactly. So exactly. Yeah, it’s very, oh, gosh, the education is so lacking in so many places, and it’s really like in my 30s that I Now, figuring out how much was lacking. It’s wild, huh? It’s completely crazy. It’s just like, again, it’s all this like stigma around it. And I remember sitting in sex ed in like eighth grade with a guy that I had a crush on and sitting across the table from me just like he was bright, red, bright red the whole time. And like, all the boys were like, playing with condoms, and like swinging them across the room. And I was like, this is not, nobody wants to be here. And I get this about get. So I feel zero shaming oversharing, I got my period pretty young, I got my period when I was 11. So like, when they were talking about menstruating and stuff like that, I was like, old news. I already know what’s up here. Like, when I’m 13 or 14, and I started my period when I was 11. And had zero idea what it even was prior to that, like, it was like, all of a sudden, I was like, Oh my God, I don’t know what’s happening with my body. Because I was a kid. And, and there’s so much that isn’t even touched on in the education world for those things. And I’m sure, obviously, on both sides, I only have the female perspective of it, but it’s just such a it’s so crazy to me. So

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
it is, it really is. And you know, like when you think about, like what sex ed was. And not that they I think that in general not that they went into it being like, Okay, we’re gonna make sure that everybody knows what male pleasure is. Right? When in terms of sexuality or like sexual experience, but everybody kind of knows how to pleasure guy. And what we’re told about those with a vulva is that they’re complicated. Yeah, it takes a long time. Yeah. And it’s just too much. Yeah. Because they’re complicated, right? And so or, there is still and I hear you know, every time I hear it, I’m always a little bit surprised, because I’m like, Okay, wow, this is still out there. But like, or it’s that there’s been so much shame in their upbringing that, that sex is for the owner of a penis. Yeah. And it’s, yeah, it’s so it’s so sad. It’s so incredibly sad, because it’s just so far from the truth. And so we start at, like, what is your definition of pleasure? When you hear pleasure? Like, what sensations come in your body? Does it make your stomach feel sick? Does your heart start to be really fast? Or do you feel like you kind of like, are out of breath? Do you feel like weak in your legs? Like you just feel like you don’t want to talk about it? Or does it feel exciting? And you’re curious about it? Does it feel really good? And you can like feel that wave kind of move through your body? And you’re like, Yeah, let’s, let’s do this. Let’s talk about this. So there’s so many different ranges. And then when you get into it further, every, like you said, everybody experiences pleasure, differently. And that should be celebrated. Because it’s really about this journey to finding like your true essence. And how do you so it’s finding your true essence, and then deciding what, if anything, you want to share with somebody and who, absolutely. But that comes second to like what you want to share with yourself,

Carly Someplace
right? And it’s so interesting, as you’re describing, so I don’t know if you know, this, I’ve posted about it a couple times. But I’m, we’re so ready to launch. So it’s a good thing. And this is a great episode to talk about it. And I co wrote a self love journal, with my co author, my friend, Hannah. And we have an entire entire chapter on sex. And we wrote this specifically for women, and talking about, you know, the elusive quote, unquote, female orgasm, blah, blah, blah, and all of the stupid stigma around it. And so it’s really interesting. So the journal itself is not just about sex, but it covers a lot of aspects in everybody’s, you know, lives. And it’s very deeply introspective. You were finishing up and doing final things. And we were talking about shame. And we were talking about how, how shame has a feeling in your body. And it’s usually that like, hot and cold rush, that it like washes over you almost like a wave. And it’s such an interesting thing. When you were talking about you know, does pleasure does pleasure, the word pleasure, kind of give you those feelings in which it would be very associated with shame, or does it give you a feeling that’s completely, you know, different and warm and exciting and things like that. And so, when you said that, I was like, oh, gosh, like it’s those feelings and yeah, the queen of shame is Brene Brown. So, yeah, really, you know, talk about her and quote her in so many ways, and, and it’s just such a very interesting thing to even just have that association with that word, and then you know how you can work past it?

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Yeah. And I, you know, it’s like the work the working past it. I think one of the problems is we too often just rely on other people to tell us how to, quote, fix it, right? But the fixes that were taught, are very superficial. And if you’re, especially if you’re in a medical setting, it’s like, okay, well just go home and relax, like run a bath, have some wine, bla, bla, bla, bla, go get a pedicure, which is great. It all feels great, right? Like, I love a good bath.

Carly Someplace
Exactly. Right. I definitely talk about I had an episode about like, self care and what it’s not. And like that absolutely can be self care. But that’s the route. And

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
it’s like, it’s like nobody wants to discuss with other people. What, what do you know about yourself, right? Like, nobody wants to really go there. And I find that even true for therapy. Like, there are some therapists that I have personally seen where we never find a solution for anything. Like, right? There’s only so many sessions that I can come in and like, talk about the same thing over and over again, before you help me figure out how to move this out of my body. Because the only way I’m going to get rid of the trauma, and the emotion is to move it out of my body. If it stays in my body, I’m going to deal with it every day. Absolutely. You know, it’s not that it it’s not that when it moves through your body, you just forget about it, and it’s gone. But it moves through your body to the point where you can find the path forward. Absolutely. And until you do that, you’re kind of stuck. And so I’ve just been fighting with all of you know, because I don’t know, I sometimes wish I would have counted how many women have like, laid on my table.

Carly Someplace
A really good statistic. I mean, I, I love a good statistic. I’m so easy, because like I can literally like open a folder and be like, how many folders are in this folder? Because I have this year. So

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
I wish I knew how many because I because so many of them, they don’t start coming to me, or they don’t know maybe that that’s part of the reason why they’re coming to me because they want to fix the external symptoms, which is the incontinence, right? Or the whatever it is, right. But and I think to in the medical system, we just refuse to look at what else is going on internally? Oh, absolutely. But most of the time, yeah, I can give you physical exercises, but that’s not what’s gonna actually help, you know, and, and so it’s very much, it’s very much. Okay, so what are we going to do? And how are we going to help you move this, these feelings through your body to get to the point where you feel safe within yourself? To find pleasure, it’s safe, it’s the safety and we’re always gonna feel self or safest with ourself first, right? And then again, it’s like, Who do you decide to share that with? Do you want to share it with anybody? You don’t have to at all? Right? But if you want to, how can you bring that safety into that situation too?

Carly Someplace
Well, and I think that even within will say cliques of women, or cliques of friendship, you, I find that I have very specific friends that I’m comfortable sharing, like details of my sex life or details of anything like that with other people, it’s just a hard no, like, I would never feel safe sharing those details with them, regardless of you know, who they are, or it could be anything. And so it’s just, it’s so interesting. Because it is even in that in, in moving forward and sharing, which is then becomes in, you know, a lot of what I deal with, which I’m sure ties so much into pleasure, self confidence, and, and coming into that and being able to share openly with others. Just that sense of self is such an interesting thing. And so I think that that can also be tied to, again, shame and safety. Yes, there are certain people that I would just never have those conversations with, and if I did, I would feel shame. I was ashamed. Like, there are other people that I’m gonna be like, so let me tell you this happened and and to be able to, you know, move forward and be able to do those things. And so it’s very, yeah, it’s fascinating. It is,

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
it’s super fascinating. And I think about this a lot and especially as I was like creating this new thing is like what a world it would be if we were all able to show up knowing who like our true self is and knowing what where our essence comes from. Yes, because would automatically peel down. So many walls that create so many layers and the lack of Yeah, the lack of safety for self and others, right? Because if I’m, if you and I just met, and we’re both showing up authentically ourselves, which is something that I feel like the both of us are able to do, right. But I’m not unaware that it is something that we both had to kind of work for. Oh,

Carly Someplace
absolutely. You know, and if it’s ever a lot of work to, to get, and I say that constantly, people always ask you to, where’s your confidence come from, and I’m like, daily, I have to pick myself. Definitely, sometimes hourly, I have to choose to like myself, when I’m having a really bad day, some days, it’s so easy. Other days, it is so hard. And then I think that in those experiences, and and you’re right, that you and I can show up and have a conversation like this that we know is going to be broadcasted on, you know, on Apple podcasts, and wherever you listen to podcasts. And I have, I have no shame in talking about my sex life now. And I have no shame in doing these things. Because I’ve spent so much time working on myself, that I am confident in those things. And I am confident in what I, I will say and the things that I am going to keep private or keep between myself and my partner or between myself in a group of friends or whatever, that’s perfectly fine. And I know where those lines are. But it’s taken a lot to get to the point of even just being able to speak freely, and show up authentically. With my as myself for other people. Yeah. And I think that it takes a lot of self work to get there. It’s it’s not a, you know, overnight instant thing. And I think that it would be so amazing if people could do that. Because then the connection that you have with people is so much, instantly deeper. And it’s so fantastic. Yeah. Oh, fantastic.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
And we just there just would automatically be less judgement. And if there’s less judgement, then there’s less need for you to feel shame. And we can break down those. Again, it’s so deeply rooted in so many things that we are, like forced to kind of see in the society we live in,

Carly Someplace
right? And things, things that are really out of our control again. And like I can imagine, like, you know, I can I can vividly remember what sex ed was like, even though I was 1314 years old. And I’m 33 now like that’s a yes, 20 years ago, I can literally remember sitting in the library exactly what everything looks like, who was sitting at my table, like those are memories that are deeply ingrained that his long term memory and it’s not going anywhere because of the situation and that in that moment, it felt shameful, and it felt, you know, like all of these things. And so, I can only imagine that if somebody had a more traumatic experience than I did with sex ed, I feel like I hate to say that, that is traumatic. But like, I feel like everybody is like, Oh, God, oh. And it’s such a it’s, it blows my mind that you know, but all of those things can absolutely affect how anybody and everybody deals with thinking about pleasure thinking about sex thinking about anything. Yeah, has to do with those things that we were taught in middle school.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Yeah, yeah. Exactly. And, you know, like, from the time that I mean, there’s a couple of things, right, like, as a female or somebody with a vulva, you’re told that like, You’re too emotional or too much, everything is too much. And that turns into like, too complicated. But if you’re on the other side of that, it’s that, you know, you don’t show emotion at all. Right? And so we’re automatically pinned against each other. And we don’t know how to find the common ground within ourselves, within our likeness in terms of like, how we express ourselves and with the counterparts, right? And if you take everything away, and this would be I mean, a whole hour long, kind of maybe boring for some people anatomy lecture, but we, if we take it all away, we all literally have the same parts. Yes, are the exact same. They just look different. And who learned that in sex that nobody won? We learned that we were different. Yeah, right. But we are the exact same. It’s just in a little bit of a different order. Yeah. And it’s, it’s so Oh, man, it’s just like, it makes me like so angry because I’m like, It’s not that hard to like, just tell the truth. Yeah. Mattamy isn’t new. Like this isn’t no groundbreaking science that we’re just learning about. Like it’s not that hard to tell the truth. Now, it’s not that hard to make somebody feel welcome about how they want to express themselves. It’s really if you’re a good person, it’s really not that hard.

Carly Someplace
No, absolutely. I

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
agree with you. Yeah, absolutely.

Carly Someplace
Okay, well. So for our listeners, so what was the word pleasure? Like, think it through? Because I mean, that’s a whole. Yeah, that’s

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
how we got here is by thinking about what pleasure is. But yeah, like, think about it, write down what you feel like it means where does pleasure show up for you? Like, what was the we already talked about? Like, what does it feel in your body? But where does it show up for you? Do you even know slash? Do you believe that you can experience pleasure in your everyday life? Because, you know, we think we’re told a lot, or we get the impression a lot that we have to work really hard to deserve anything, right. And so like, you don’t deserve to buy a house until you work really hard, or you don’t deserve to have a nice car until you’ve like put in the time, or you don’t deserve to make a lot of money until you unless you’ve stayed at a company for 20 years. Like, the world is not like that. No, and it is incredibly terror terrible, really, that we have that impression that our worth is based off of how hard we work, and that if we mess up within we’re not worthy, or we make a mistake, we’re not worthy. If we change our job, we’re not worthy. All of those things that are tied into this, like falsehood of what is gonna give you a quote, pleasurable life, right, and then you miss it. And all of a sudden, if you get all of that, you still don’t experience pleasure to the point where it rocks your bones every single day.

Carly Someplace
Right? When it’s just like, so I as you’re saying this, I’m just thinking about like, just like, such simple pleasures that I get on a daily basis. And for me, so my boyfriend goes to work extremely, extremely early in the summer. It’s 230 in the morning, right now, in the winter, it’s about 4am when he gets out of bed, and I can just like roll over and our fish is like an ultimate moment of pleasure for me. I love him so much. But like, having the whole bed to myself is like.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Yes, those are so nice. You Yeah, like what makes you have that little side that she Exactly.

Carly Someplace
And that’s obviously something that is absolutely not sexual. And on the flip side, on the mornings, that he’s off, and we get to sleep in together, it’s, I mean, something that’s more tactile of him rolling over and just like pulling me in close to him. That’s another moment of just like, such pleasure, and I feel so content, but like, I’m like, it’s mine. And I just, and it’s just like, my pillow is cool, then and I just get the whole bed and it’s so nice. I have such joy in that moment. I mean, like, I’m sad. He’s leaving for work, but at the same time, I’m like this.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
We can. Yeah, exactly. And you gave like, two really good examples, right? Because one has nothing to do with anybody else. It’s like, are you spreading out? Right? Are you taking up space and being unapologetic about this space that you’re taking up? And the other one involves somebody else, and it doesn’t have to be your partner. And what you described could be sexual or it could not be absolutely right. And so how, like,

Carly Someplace
oh, a good hug brings me such pleasure, it doesn’t matter it is from totally hold it. Only only saying that, you know, it’s it’s somewhat tactile in nature that we’re in bed together in the morning, and he’s pulling me close. And that’s, you know, we’re getting to sleep in together and snuggle and that doesn’t necessarily mean that it I don’t want to say like leads to anything because sometimes it’s like, hey, we have like 20 minutes, we have to get out of bed. So we’re gonna display here and cuddle for a few minutes. Or, you know, sometimes it does lead to things sometimes. And that’s, I guess, I love that. And I think that this is important with no expectation. Yeah, I love that with no expectation because it could be again that we’re getting out of bed 10 minutes from now or it could be that we’re gonna stay in bed all day. And those are two different things and and I’m not stuck on either outcome. Like I just love the act of him wrapping his arm around me and pushing me in close to him like that is the act and it doesn’t matter where it leads. And the same honestly can be said about like some people when I hug them. I’m like God, this is just so wonderful. And it’s so nice to have, especially I will say after the last year and a half to two years of just madness and not really having a physical relationship with a lot of people. I’m a very physical person to be able to hug people and everything like this and I even without COVID and everything I’ve always been like, you know, Can I hug you? Can I always and and there’s such joy that can be and pleasure that can be derived from that in just the most basic of senses.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you’re so right. And I think you know something, because you brought up the last couple years, which has been a, you know, it’s this huge global trauma that whether or not we realize that every day while we’re walking around, every single person on this planet has been affected by it. Oh, absolutely. And I, you know, there’s a lot of people who were alone through it. Yeah. Oh, and and this is where this is where some of this like, this work is really magical. Because just by exploring what touch feels like on your body, you’re giving yourself that input, like you’re describing in these hugs, yeah. And so like placing, you’re literally like taking your hands and placing them on your head, like, what does that feel like? Describe it, like, what does it feel like if you like, you know, how, when you like, go get your hair done, and they rub your head and they like, feel so good, and you want to stay there forever? Do that to yourself, give yourself a little scalp massage? Like what does it feel like if you place your hands on your chest and just hold it there because if you press, if you give yourself a little bit of a firmness across the chest, it can create anxiety, it can make you feel safe, it can make you feel grounded, it can do so many things for you. But then, like what does it feel like if you touch your thighs, or your knees or your shins or your feet? And just exploring that touch within yourself? can bring you Yeah, it is it’s so powerful. And it can bring you to the point of understanding a little bit more about where like where the hang ups are within yourself. You know, one of the things that we like haven’t touched on is like I talk a lot about wholeness. And the goal isn’t to be perfect. Oh, absolutely. Nobody’s perfect. Searching for perfection. But I think, depending on again, like our past experiences, a lot of us have been told that or a lot of us think that that’s the ultimate goal is like I have to be perfect. Or again, I’m not worthy. I don’t deserve this, blah, blah. But wholeness doesn’t mean that you don’t have any cracks, right? But it’s like when we have those cracks, it’s it’s nourishing them, the stuff that matters is what we fill the cracks with. And that’s what makes us whole. And that’s what helps us to like move forward with a sense of like, okay, I at the end of the day, and regardless of what happened during that day, regardless of what I did, or what somebody did to me, or what happened, I am still a sovereign being who is worthy of love. Yes. Right. And when you live a life where you can identify pleasure, you can identify how to feel because my idea we might you and I might have some of the same interpretations of pleasure. And we might feel pleasure in the same some of the same ways. We might also have that be very different. But when we’re aware of those cracks, and we can live a life or we can see pleasure, and we can experience pleasure every day, it’s much easier to fill those cracks in with the love versus filling those cracks in with the shame, because the shame doesn’t make us whole right. It the shame keeps for the party. Yeah. Yeah,

Carly Someplace
it’s Yeah, shame is shame is such a departure from self because it truly is. Taking a look at what other people what you think other people are thinking of you. Yeah, not what you were thinking of yourself. And there’s definitely there’s definitely self shame. But I won’t say always, but overarching Lee, comes from an idea that someone else gave you. It’s like the whole, you know, like, good and evil thing of like, how are you to know what’s good, and what’s evil unless somebody tells you and those are taught in so many different ways for somebody, it’s like you. I mean, it could be something so simple that other people are like, wait, what? Why is that bad? Why is that? You know, and I think that it’s just such a huge part of the human experience. And communication is obviously one of the biggest things that takes some shame away.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
You know, I saw I saw this guy, he had a shirt on and it said your anxiety is lying to you. And that’s one of the things throughout this past year like one of the things that I’ve been like, very actively trying to like, figure out some things happened that made my anxiety like the worst I’ve ever experienced. I didn’t even know that. That was a possibility. Honestly, I have

Carly Someplace
Stress Hives right now. So

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
So I saw this guy who said his shirt literally just said, your anxiety is lying to you. And I literally, almost tackled him because I wanted to, like, give him the biggest hug, right? Because I was like, Wow, thank you so much for that reminder. But if it’s anxiety, or if it’s shame, if it’s depression, right, our brain cannot tell the difference between what is true and what is not. Yes. And so we’re telling ourselves, all of these things that aren’t true. And if you told me those things about yourself, I’d be like, you’re, you’re nuts. Like, the the end, but and this is why those things aren’t true. Right? Like, and you would be able to be like, okay, you know, we could like talk through that. But when you’re with yourself, and you’re experiencing that, right, it’s really hard to talk yourself out of it, because you don’t know what’s true and what’s not.

Carly Someplace
Right at that. I mean, that is it’s, it’s so ingrained to everything. So speaking on my experience, with bodies, specifically in body shame, I really don’t like my knees like, I am so self conscious of them. And like, nobody is gonna look at me and be like, Oh my God, did you see her knees like that is? That’s never gonna happen. Like, in my brain when I wear a short skirt. Like, that is what I think that people Yep. Yeah. And I don’t. Yeah, I know. 100% where it came from. I 100% know where it came from, and came from my grandmother. But that is like, I have taken it has taken me so long, to untrain my brain to think that there is something wrong with my knees. Because my grandmother made comments 20 years ago about them.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Yeah. You know, it’s so funny. Okay, this is why this is so awesome. So I until this year, had not worn a pair of shorts out in public, like, shorts out in public since I was like in high school. Maybe not even in high school. Oh, my goodness. Right.

Carly Someplace
Yes. And where are they? Oh, it was summer later after? If you’re getting caught up on this podcast where the shorts? Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
I know. It’s wild. Because I, I know, like you said, I know exactly where it came from. It came from and this is like so mind boggling. Because I hear myself say this. Now I’m like, This is insane. But Robin, it came from like, being with my friends when we were younger, like middle school ish age Middle School, like maybe early high school, and them wearing size like double zero or zero and seeing my size for American Eagle jeans. And they were my favorite jeans in the entire world. And I didn’t know that I wore a four and they were a double zero and my heart sank. And I was like, I can never, I can never wear anything other than pants that like cover my legs because my legs must look huge. Right? And so I can’t wear shorts, like. And I grew up in a place that was so humid. And like the county fair, every summer was like where everybody went. And I work pants every time. Ashley, every time I would be like sweating. But I would wear my jeans because there was no way I was wearing shorts.

Carly Someplace
So it’s because I feel like my experience. Exact opposite is that my grandmother, it wasn’t necessarily that she was body shaming me she was body shaming somebody else in my family, which is very common. And I’ve deeply discussed my grandmother on a different episode of the podcast. And I probably will continue to deeply discuss my grandmother on many episodes of this podcast because a lot of my self confidence comes from the fact that she did that. I recognize that I recognize that I don’t like my knees because of that. But I wore shorts and I wore the shortest shorts I possibly could to defy her. Where do you get your confidence from? And I’m like defiance. Because I was angry and I wanted her to know that I didn’t care even though I did. Like it really does it kind of like goes both directions. It Yeah. And those are both things and it’s not that I wasn’t like mortified every time I did but I was like nope, I’m doing it anyways. Yeah, yeah. And it’s so it’s so crazy. It’s so crazy. It is crazy.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Oh man. Interesting thing. So anyways, I’m really cute jean shorts now.

Carly Someplace
I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud of you. Good for you.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
You know and I wore them and had a great time while I warm and your

Carly Someplace
legs deserve sunshine. Everybody’s legs deserve sunshine. Your body deserves sunshine, everybody. So, okay, so let’s go into because I do have a couple questions that I asked everybody on the podcast and I I feel like we could dive deeper into pleasure and I I kind of almost want to like To this somewhat soon ish, so let’s totally talk about that a little bit later. But I want people to get to know you just a little bit more, because I just find it fascinating, especially that now that you’re moving into pleasure coaching and where that kind of came through came from. And I, I’m just so I want them to know more about you, because I think you’re really cool. And so I want to ask, and even as we’re just discussing this whole thing with the shorts and everything like that, so I really I asked everybody like, what has been a turning point in, in your own reclamation of self, your own self love and your own realization of, of moving forward doing that and being able to be authentically yourself, show up authentically as yourself.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
So I, I think that the thing that has been the real changer, and I say that because I think that I thought I had moments before, but looking back, they were still helpful, don’t get me wrong, but more superficial, got like, kind of like cracked the surface, you know, and I thought where I was in life, I thought it was like a big thing. But it wasn’t until after I had a miscarriage, that I was like my world was rocked in so many ways. And it wasn’t even because I was of course sad that like the miscarriage happened, but it wasn’t even about like the loss of the fetus. Right? It was about that I failed as a woman. Okay. And I, this is what I do for a living, like I help pregnant people all the time, and I help postpartum people all the time. And I help people with their cycle, and I help them like get to know their bodies, and I couldn’t keep a pregnancy. So like, biggest fraud on Earth, like, you know, horn sounding like she’s lost it is where I went and thought that there was like, no space for like, like, I didn’t deserve to be in the place that I was in to help other women. Does that make sense? I mean, it’s

Carly Someplace
Oh, absolutely. It makes sense be I think, and, and speaking even just on miscarriage and pregnancy, is that let’s state some just statistics for anybody listening that it’s extremely common. Yeah, you have a miscarriage. Yeah, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong. We totally, it is extremely common. Unfortunately, it is extremely common. And, and I don’t think I mean, I personally live in the world of thought that being a mother and carrying a baby does not have anything to do with womanhood yet. And I think that that’s again, let’s go back to sex ed, that is what it is that that is what your body is supposed to do. And that’s the only thing that it’s supposed to do. And yes, biologically 1000s of years ago, that is what you were meant for was to procreate. But like, yes, we live in a society where miracles happen every day because of science. And there’s so much more to that. And I think that I can, I can’t entirely relate, I have not had a miscarriage. But I can relate in the way that I personally don’t necessarily want children. And I’m ashamed for that in my daily in my life daily. Yeah, both sides. And I think that on there, all sides of that coin is, is trauma that we carry as women specifically in in motherhood, pregnancy,

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
it’s Yeah. I mean, like the amount of times that I’ve been asked, you’re in your mid 30s. And you don’t have kids. What’s wrong with you? Oh, yeah. Like, oh, yeah, I will set a swear word.

Carly Someplace
But you can say you can. Never did you want I say, here all the time.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
I always am like, my fucker. Like, who are you? Yeah. And actually is me. Like, and you know, so like, yeah, the miscarriage and it was so wild, because it wasn’t. I know that one day, I’m supposed to be a mother. Right? And I’ve just always known that. It’s just something I’ve always known. It’s something that I’ve chosen for myself. I’ve I’ve just known that I’m going to be a mother. I don’t know what that looks like. But I know that I’m going to be a mother. Right? And so when this happened, and I wasn’t happy about it, I didn’t want the baby. Recently, right. So then here I am like that. I think that’s how it all started. Because I was like, Okay, you’re getting your wish you want a baby like you want to be a mom. Yeah, and now here it is. And you don’t want it like how selfish Are you? Like how, how dare you do this? Right, but like, How dare I speak what I want and stand up for what I want. And then the miscarriage happened. And then it was like cool. So you’re going to take my choice away from me. Like, screw you and like what did I do to fail? Like, how come I couldn’t grow? Right? It’s like what the heck is going on? No. that, like I know very well, that none of that is true. I

Carly Someplace
know exactly like you, this is your job.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
I know that none of that is true, but I, I spiraled and I like lost it. And it was the darkest place I’ve ever been. And it was very scary. It was very scary for a while. And that I can, like now confidently say is like, that’s the moment where I was like, Okay, here you are, like, Yes. Here you are, like, how are you gonna choose to pick yourself back up? And what pieces do you want to bring forward?

Carly Someplace
And that’s powerful. That’s so powerful, actually. I mean, honestly, even just thank you for sharing that. Because a lot of people who’ve had miscarriages don’t want to talk about them. Yeah, there’s a lot of stigma around that in general as well, again, even that it’s so common. There’s still so much stigma around it. And so thank you for sharing that. And it’s, but it is, and it’s, I truly do think, though, that there are so many, I hate to say traumatic moments that make us who we are. Yeah. And bring us through resilience. And yeah, I don’t want anybody to live through trauma to make them a better person. I don’t want that to be the bar of like, oh, it, you know, it didn’t kill you. So it made you stronger that. So that’s such bullshit,

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
though. Like, you know, God doesn’t give you whatever you can’t and this doesn’t mean I don’t believe in a higher power. Right. But when people say, God doesn’t give you what you can’t handle, like, we are not on this earth to only experience pain and joy is suffered.

Carly Someplace
Yeah, yeah. It’s so crazy that that is that is and but truly stepping into our ourselves. Plenty of times, not always. But plenty of talents does come from trauma, and does come from, like you’ve said, I’m now at the bottom. And I want to move forward. And what pieces am I bringing with me? And that is insanely powerful. I just got chills saying that insanely powerful. And it’s an insanely powerful topic in itself. But I don’t want to wish trauma on anybody so that they know themselves better.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
And this is like this is part of why you know, pleasure. Yeah, pleasure coaching this, that is part of why because you don’t have to go through. And again, like I mentioned in the beginning, it’s like the big traumas get all of the get all of the attention. Yes. We’ve all had plenty of like small, smaller scale traumas that can have the same effect. Yeah. But they’re considered small, because we don’t talk about them, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t that you’re not valid and feeling like that was a trauma, right? They just don’t get the attention that they deserve. And so that is like, part of the reason why I did, I decided to step into this. I feel like I just was like supposed to be doing this. So that specifically those with a vulva, don’t have to wait until there’s a big traumatic event to like, live their best life. Like it can happen. Now,

Carly Someplace
I do agree with that. And I mean, and in a similar vein, so much of my working with people on body image and self confidence comes from having none from being bullied from having these, these traumas placed on me from having family members specifically, you know, tell me I’m not worried that you tell me if I lost weight, I’d be so much better tell me you know, these different things. And I don’t wish that on anybody else. That’s where my confidence has come from. Because again, I was at the bottom and I picked myself up and move forward. But those there are so many things in my life, that would be considered very small traumas that didn’t get acknowledged that and when I saw I recently posted on my personal Instagram about being body shamed on the plane, and I was flying to Disneyworld to meet my boyfriend and I we took like this tiny little prop plane from Reno, Nevada, which is my home airport, up to Portland, so it’s super small regional plane. Your girl has a booty and like so I have to ask for a seat belt extender which there is no shame in especially because older planes have tiny little fucking Yeah. And it doesn’t bother me. And there’s a lot of shame associated with that. I’ve actually had people messaged me specifically being like, what do you do? And I’m like, just as far as senator. It’s not. Sometimes it’s like, a half an inch from me being able to buckle a seatbelt. Yeah, the woman next to me on the plane, just literally I asked for a seatbelt extender. She looked at me. She looked me up and down and she clicked her seatbelt closed and looked me up and down again. And I posted about it. And I got feedback that Well, I think you’re probably imagining this Oh, No, no, I’m not. Well, and then it was well, you’re always so positive in this just seems so negative because exact words on my post where I will not make myself smaller and more digestible. You can joke. Yeah, yeah. I don’t obviously want anybody to choke the same time like, I don’t need to be smaller in order to be valid or to be digestible as a person. And that small moment, regardless, even though I’m talking about it, even though I talked about it right after it happened, that is something I will never forget that. Yeah. And that was just a woman looking at me on a plane, no words exchanged? Nothing. Nothing. And that’s like, that’s a what most people would consider a small trauma. Most people would never even speak on that. Yep. But that doesn’t mean that it’s not valid.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Exactly, exactly. And just the way that we were brought up a lot of those quotes, small traumas are considered stuff that we should just brush off. And we don’t, we’re not told that it’s valid. We’re not told that our feelings are valid. So of course, we shove them down deeper, because it shouldn’t matter. We should just get over it, right?

Carly Someplace
It’s not a big deal. It’s fine. Like it doesn’t it didn’t hurt you. Maybe they didn’t mean it. Maybe like, No, and that’s not recognize them speak about your small traumas, because they are traumas. And that’s so incredibly important. And sometimes what you think is a small trauma is actually a very big trauma. Yeah, reading trauma. Yeah. Very big trauma. Oh, so many things.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
I know. I know. It’s it just,

Carly Someplace
it just blows my mind. Yeah, it just blows my mind.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
I know. Me too.

Carly Someplace
So my second question that I will ask you any specific and this is for more of listeners to have resources, and books, media, people, mentors, etc, that have like, been transformative in your journey that could be transformative in somebody else’s journey.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Yeah, so I think one of the best places to start if you’re just interested in learning about, like more about sex, I guess, is to read the book, come as you are. Now, a couple of caveats. It is. And she calls this out in the book. And so I feel okay, saying this, but like, she comes from a place of where she’s treating mostly white women with bulbous. Okay. And so that being said, there’s a lot in that book that can be helpful for just understanding what happens like in an orgasm, right? Or like, that kind of stuff. Right? Okay. Yeah. And so and it’s, it’s done in a way that gives that gives language to some of the things that people want to speak about, or learn about, in a way that’s like, very easily digestible.

Carly Someplace
I love that. I love that. Yeah, I think I think that sometimes it’s really daunting when we look into things like that. And it’s all just medical speak. I not not easily digestible for the general public, so that that’s nice to hear.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Yes, one of my like personal mentors in my therapy career, it’s how I kind of found pelvic bowl healing, which is like the last part of the coaching work is like healing the pelvic bowl, which is includes your pelvic floor, that’s where our essence is, like, housed and all of that, but Tammy Lynn, Kent, okay, is her name. And if you just search her, she has books, wild feminine is amazing. It’s just yeah, it’s just amazing. And her books are cool, too, because you can read the whole thing, front to back, or you can, you know, you can like skim through and read the parts that you feel like you want to read and come to the other parts later. Right? Or maybe not at all, or you know, whatever.

Carly Someplace
I really enjoy books like that, that you take specific information. It’s not like refer back to chapter two.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Yeah, and I you know, this would be the other thing that for this, this is gonna look different for everybody but I think when you like go to if you have social media, go to your social media, like if you go to Instagram, and look at who you follow. Yeah, and if everybody is just like you there’s probably a problem. Yes. Now that doesn’t mean that you have to follow people who have like their core values are very opposite than yours, right? And it’s gonna like trigger you and make you want to like argue and stuff like that. That’s not what I’m talking about stealing from Yeah. Yeah. But if they look like you, if they express themselves this essentially the same way you do and if that’s all you have on your feed, yes, start there. Yeah, and just start familiarize yourself.

Carly Someplace
Oh, powerful to just read and see. Yes. Others. Yeah. Existing in, you’re not.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
And it’s really beautiful to. Um, so I actually just went to this event here in Denver a couple of weeks ago, they were having like a showcase of people of color and sexual orientation other than straight. Okay.

Carly Someplace
I’m intrigued. Tell me more.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Yeah. And so it was really so it was at this place called the milk market, which is just like this place in Denver that has like a bunch of different like, places you can eat a bar. It’s fantastic. Okay, yeah. So they had like, different booths set up for like special, like cocktails and stuff like that. But they were showcasing their businesses, right. And I was there with a friend, and I bought like this beautiful artwork that’s gonna go in my new office, and I like can’t wait anyway, like reminiscing about it because it’s so beautiful. I love that. My friend and I looked at each other. And I said, you know, this is one of the safest places I’ve felt to be myself ever in my entire life? Ah, yes. And I identify as I’m cisgender. Right. So that that’s me. It’s pretty, like, you know, but that’s it. Yeah. And to be surrounded by people who were so they brought themselves, you know, how we were talking about, like being authentically you? Yes. Everybody was authentically them. And everybody wanted to be surrounded by that joy. Yes. And when you interacted with anybody there dry rubbed off on you, and your joy rubbed off on them, and like, you didn’t look around the place, nobody was unhappy. And it felt safe. And that was like, such a cool experience. And if we only could get everybody to experience that, right. Like, what a world you know,

Carly Someplace
well, and so I’ll say this as a blanket term, so I’m bisexual. And I could probably talk for an hour about like, by erasure and, and just different things, especially because I’m in a very hetero normative presenting relationship. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not bisexual. But yeah, yes, I am dating a man. And we live together. And now we have a dog and a cat. And we have the things and we look very, like white picket fence. But yeah, that doesn’t make me any less bisexual period. Yeah, yeah. And I think that there’s a lot of that. It’s a whole other topic. But it’s really interesting to me, because so I feel both very at home and not at home in the queer community, because I am by because again, I’m in a very heteronormative presenting relationship. However, in the queer community, and I’ll use queer as my overarching term, to encompass people who are not straight. Yeah, and rather, if people identify you as queer and don’t want to be that, but I’ll use queer as the general overarching term there. And so being able to be in a community like that has taken coming out to be your authentic self. To choose a life that still a very decent, I won’t always say majority, but a lot of people are going to shame you for Yeah, I think that that authenticity, and that welcome. And openness, honestly, does come from picking a life where you know, you will, potentially, and it’s not even picking it is walking out in presenting yourself knowing that you will most likely be shamed for who you are. And yeah, anyways, yeah, and I get and I don’t necessarily always talk about the fact that I’m bi. And I think that maybe I’m playing into some of the owner ratio of that in myself, but because in my brain I’m like, Oh, it doesn’t matter. I like everybody. Just you know how others perceive me. But I know that the perception in the queer community does make it a much safer place because they have gone through accepting themselves and then learning to accept others as they are and that’s so amazing and wonderful and and it takes so much strength and courage to come out. And to to live that yourself authentically and so you as a straight sis woman and myself as a very straight sis presenting woman. It is kind of plays into that of like, we can live authentically as ourselves. But it’s, it’s very, I don’t want to say like, we look normal. Like, and I’m not saying that looks within the queer community, obviously, I mean, I have a shaved head and blue hair. So there’s that. But like, there’s so much in being trans or being anything that the visual presentation of your person is, is something that others want to find fault in. And, and I’m, I know that I’m protected within the fact that if I didn’t speak about it, nobody would know. Yeah, yep. And it’s, that’s such a whole other topic and such a heavy topic, but that, I love that I love that authenticity, and feeling truly encompassed by that authenticity, it makes me it makes me so happy that you got to experience that as well.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Yeah, yeah.

Carly Someplace
It’s so it’s so good.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
I know, it was really well made more of that. It truly does. It truly does. And when we you know, working with somebody else that has like, helped me on that journey a lot is she she asked me she goes, so describe yourself without using like that you’re straight. Or that you identify as a woman, or that you use like she her like, how would you describe yourself, right? And then don’t place those assumptions on others. And so when you interact with somebody, don’t assume Oh, absolutely. Right, that just because they quote look like you that they are like you. And that can be a really good way to like, expand just knowledge in general. Absolutely. Well, others and accepting others and finding where you want to be. Yeah, meeting where you might discover something and be like, Wow, this is like really special to me. Like, I’m really, I’m really grateful for this part of me, I never would have known that had I not explored, right.

Carly Someplace
And I think I mean, even what you’re tying this back to of like, social media, if everybody looks like you, and everybody has those same ideologies, I guess it’s probably, like, it’s so important to add on social media, it’s so easy. It’s so easy to follow other people and just read the captions and see their images and not do anything that you don’t even have to interact, you can just Yep, exactly. And that, and you can see somebody else living their life in the way that is, at that point, potentially authentic to them. I will say that with the caveat that social media is a highlight reel. But yes, a game time. But let’s take let’s take it for what it is, is that you get a peek into somebody else’s life, even if it is their best life. Yeah, and they are living their best life. And it’s different than yours. That’s okay. And you should be seeing more of that. And if you’re seeing those highlight reels, you should be able to plot applaud for other people in the room, and you should be able to learn from other people in the room. Yep. And all it takes is pushing follow on Instagram. Yeah. Learn more about somebody else that you would have maybe never learned anything about. Yeah, exactly. It’s so important. It’s very important. Important. Okay. And then my last question, which I feel like this is such a big one. Yes. Same time because I feel like we’ve covered this in so many ways, but also not. Okay, what is what is one piece of advice that you would give your younger self?

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Oh, oh, you want to know what like first came to mind was

Carly Someplace
this shorts? Yeah.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
We’re the flippin shorts. Um,

Carly Someplace
you should just wear the damn shorts.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Oh my god. I was like, so thankful that I played basketball because I could wear like big baggy shorts, to be honest with you. Yeah, geez, Louise. Anyways, so where are the shorts? That was really short. And number two would be to not be afraid to let your light shine. Yeah. Like don’t like stop being worried about showing who you are. And being happy in it and having joy in it and having pleasure in it and living your best life for fear that you’re going to make somebody else feel bad. Right. And that you’re welcome. You’re welcome. Wherever you are. Yeah.

Carly Someplace
Well in in living, that joy and letting your light shine you attract the people that are meant to be there. Yeah, totally. Because that joy and that authenticity will bring people to you. Sometimes in roundabout ways, sometimes in you know anything and everything but that joy and that authenticity and being whatever, whatever descriptor anybody wants to describe themselves as dorky, nerdy, Goofy, funny, you know, super serious and smart. or anything like that. Those types of things? Don’t don’t find shame in those descriptors is Yeah, is huge and letting that light shine is, is everything like,

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
yeah, you know, like you saying like it’ll bring the right people in. And they come for many reasons, right? Yeah. But like so this experience that I recently had was I met this person and literally first encounter, they said something. And I was like, Oh, my goodness, like this person just read me like they had known me for 100 years, right? And then about two weeks later, they said something else to me. And they were like, well, yeah, actually, well, what about this? And I was like, Excuse me? Who are you? What on earth? Kind of energy might give enough, right? But it was so validating that, like, where I was, and who I was in that moment was exactly what I was supposed to be. And that observation from them. Yep. Not only was it spot on, but it was. It’s so good. When you can show up and be it wasn’t uncomfortable. You know? It was like, wow, you can people can see me for who I am. And I like that. And I’m okay with that. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker
that’s powerful.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
I mean, I was a little like, I literally, so then. Then they literally said, it looks like you’ve seen a ghost. And I was like, Well, are you a ghost? No. You’re like, you’re rocking my world. Yeah, but I but it was one of the first times where it’s probably happened before maybe I’m not really sure. Probably not on this level. But it was one of those literally, it was the most powerful time where I was like, somebody else is seeing me and I’m not trying to run away from who I am. Yeah, to hide that.

Carly Someplace
It’s it. That is a powerful, powerful thing and a powerful feeling. And it’s powerful when you can be that person for other people too. And it’s an I mean, it goes back to authenticity comes so much back to authenticity and just being yourself and like, letting it be. I mean, I’m literally sitting on like, the floor of my closet looking at my like, sequin tops that I never were paying, like, why don’t I let myself be shiny more often? Totally. I mean, you’re the shiny tops, where the shorts and the shiny top were the shorts and the shiny tops, like do the things do all the things that scare the shit out of you that you want to do? Because it’s worth it? Yes. So worth

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
it. Yes.

Carly Someplace
It’s so worth it. Ashley, okay, one, I cannot wait to have you back on.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
I can’t wait to be back.

Carly Someplace
I feel like, like, I was like, Oh, we’re gonna do this in two parts. We’re gonna we’re gonna talk about pleasure again next time, and then we’ll talk about pelvic floor. Yeah, or dive? Yeah, there’s you were just such an amazing wealth of knowledge, I feel so grateful that you are giving me your time, and that I get to speak to you again. And that you’ve, you know, done this for my community now, a second time and soon to be a third and fourth sight.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Well, I’m super thankful for what you do for everybody. Because I think, you know, if it wasn’t for your platform, I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t know if you realize the impact that you have on people, even if they’re just watching from afar, like because there’s times where like, I go months, probably without saying anything in your community. But there have been four or 10 posts that have changed the trajectory of my day. And, you know, not many people can say that. And so I think we all are super grateful for what you do for everyone.

Carly Someplace
Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah, really appreciate that. It’s, it feels it feels crazy sometimes. Because most of the time I’m like, I’m just doing me over

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
here. No. Oh, great. You are so great.

Carly Someplace
And so are you. adore you. Okay, well, thank you so much for being on with me and I cannot wait to have you back. Yeah, I can’t wait to be back. Oh, and my last thing where? Yeah. Where can people find you? Yes. Okay. So you are learn more or bring you on as their pleasure coach. Tell me.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Yeah, so you can follow me on Instagram at Ashley D PT. So like dog, Patty Tucker. I don’t know where those names came from people. I’m sitting right by my dog named Tucker. But I don’t know where Patty came from. Anyway. So Ashley Devi. And then you can also email me doctor like Dr. Not the word spelled out. So Dr. Ashley zimmerman@gmail.com. That’s going to be the easiest. And then we can chat about whatever you need. Oftentimes, it’s easiest to hop on a phone call, but email me and we can then set that up.

Carly Someplace
I love it. Yeah. Are you are so amazing to my community always. And I’m thank you so much.

Dr. Ashley Zimmerman
Yeah, thank you.

Carly Someplace
Thanks so much for listening to someplace for everybody. If you love this episode, would you mind leaving me a review in your favorite podcast app and subscribe to the show. If you’re looking for a community to love on you and support you and your self love Journey, come join our all gender Facebook group someplace for everybody which can be found in the show notes at some place for everybody.com Until we meet again, be kind to yourself.