Are you open to exploring your sexuality and pleasures? In today’s episode, Ben Frankenberg joins us to discuss sex, kinks, and comfort! Listen in as we discuss how open communication is important with partners, why you should explore your preferences, and finding limits through new experiences.
Review the Show Notes:
Get to Know Ben (:44)
21 Days to Mid Summer (1:22)
Exploration of Sex, Sexuality, and Kinks (7:01)
Sex Education (8:01)
Shabari (10:26)
Boudoir Photography & Exploration (10:46)
Dissassociation & Headspace (16:11)
Communication in Sex (17:14)
Exposure to New Experiences (25:48)
Finding Limits (28:44)
Pleasure (32:34)
Stop Apologizing for Being You (35:09)
Consent (37:13)
Hook Suspension (38:52)
Sex Positivity Influencers (40:45)
Bodies are Powerful (43:42)
Finding Comfort in Your Body (48:14)
Resources (54:31)
Advice to Younger Self (1:03:48)
Connect with Ben:
instagram: inplaceoffallenstars
Twitter benhorrible
Facebook Group: The 21 Days to Midsummer
Review the Transcript:
Carly Someplace
Welcome to some place for everybody where we talk about belonging and being a human in our bodies in living in and learning to love our bodies. I’m your host Carly’s place. This podcast is brought to you by someplace images, good wealth for everybody. You can see the full show notes at some place for everybody.com. Now, let’s change some self perspectives.
Carly Someplace
Hi, y’all, it’s Carly someplace. And I’m so incredibly excited today to be chatting with my dear friend, Ben Frankenberg. So Ben, I would love for you to introduce yourself a little bit and then we’ll kind of dive right into some, I guess we’ll say taboo topics, but I don’t want them to be taboo. So we’re talking about them.
Ben Frankenberg
Yeah, we can break the taboo. I like that. Hi, everybody. I’m Benjamin Frankenberg. I am an actor based out in New York City. I primarily work in TV and film. But I also do like performance are write poetry and gather communities of creatives together to do all sorts of weird stuff. So I’m kind of out there doing all sorts
Carly Someplace
of I love your gathering of creatives to do weird stuff, which you’ve been doing. So 21 days to midsummer. I mean, we can talk about that for a hot second, because I love it. And I think it’s a really creative outlet. And I think it’s led to a lot of people discovering a lot of things about themselves, because you encourage people to do personal projects. Yeah. And create art. Yeah,
Ben Frankenberg
I think that is the thing. It’s like, let’s explore our lifes explore existence, the journey that we’re on. And kind of like, you know, there’s a big community of creatives, because you and I both went to SCAD. Together, we have access to that. Right, but we also like have that idea of being able to, like digest our reality in a creative process and try to like, find value and re communicated to the rest of the world. And finding that imprint, probably trying to pull it out of other people, even if they’re not naturally like trained artists, or think of themselves as artists like to like, look at their life, find the beauty of it, and kind of express it is kind of where that 21 days to mid summer project goes. And that’s, that’s the thing that we do every year, from June 1 to June 21. I kind of like open up social media apps and ask people to like, post about things that they’re doing for their day, like if they took a pause or took a walk and like notice something pretty or took a picture, people are sharing paintings and photographs and music that they make, and just kind of like becoming this community that instills a creative spirit in each other. And I think I bring that into a lot of my stuff that I’m going into just kind of like exploring what it is to be, you know, the future,
Carly Someplace
when I’ve used 21 days to In summary, because so we’re past a decade since you started.
Ben Frankenberg
Yeah, this will be here after 2011 was the first so I think this is the 11th year that were
Carly Someplace
shot. I was like I was like, I feel like it’s it’s been not too far past a decade, but past a decade. And I find that every time that you start posting about it, and they see obviously our other mutual friends who are in the community posting about it, I use it as a lot of like time to more like you said, take a pause and reflect and use that within like, how do I want to encourage myself to be creative, I don’t wanna be like, because I have to be creative for work every single day, which is very draining. So like, in a lot of ways to just like take it and reflect personally on what type of creativity I want for myself, and how I can infuse that into more of my daily life instead of like working with my camera, which is my graft, quote unquote. So
Ben Frankenberg
yeah, I mean, I talk to people about who use like, the artists way and things like that, and kind of like, build themselves processes where they’re in conversation with the actual part of being creative, and giving themselves like, time to like, think about what it is that they’re trying to do that the art itself is accessing. And like 21 days to mid summer, I think like gives that conversation a little bit more presence than those of us who work in the arts typically get to give it you know,
Carly Someplace
yeah, absolutely. No, it’s always such a like, refreshing time period for me, I also literally you hit we hit June 1 and you post and I’m like, Oh God, it’s June. Every single year I’m like, how was it June?
Ben Frankenberg
Yeah, I think that’s the clock. It’s like another years past what have I done? Oh my gosh. But it also it’s like a breath You know, it’s like you know, you didn’t
Carly Someplace
so I know I was thinking about it as just like, like watching the sunset later and later which is obviously like as a photographer brings me so much joy and then I was like oh, but we’re getting closer and closer to June which means it’s gonna go the other way. I’m like already mourning the loss of sunshine and it’s it’s not we’re not even there. It was spring equinox.
Ben Frankenberg
I mean, here in New York, it’s still cold, like every other day. It’s like in the 30s. And I’m like, Whoa, it was picnic weather a week ago. Why? Why am I freezing today? So like, but that constant conversation of like, the seasons are shifting and life is like going into a hibernation and coming back. And I think there’s like a little memento mori. There’s a wabi sabi element to like the things that change in life. So I really appreciate
Carly Someplace
that. Yeah, I mean, we we go through seasons in the same way that the world goes through the seasons, the Earth goes through through seasons, and it’s so interesting, just to line them up. And even just like, I don’t wanna be, like, the energy that we get from them, but the energy that we get from them, I mean, as it’s now spring, this whole past week, my boyfriend and I have been like, we really need to clean out our closets. And it’s just like, both of us, brought it up separately. And it’s, we’re both just feeling that need of like, like, bringing new things in. And by doing that, like decluttering, and being able to, like, make more space for new instead of space with the old. So
Ben Frankenberg
it’s like, it’s a shift in energy that that lends to a difference in perspective. Like you that the the world itself has changed. And all of a sudden, I have to orient myself in a different way. And, and see, like, what do I need now that my world has changed? And it gives you a better conversation with yourself and your needs? Yeah. Which I think kind of leans a little bit into what you brought me here for I think,
Carly Someplace
I know, we’re gonna we’re gonna talk about sex. We’re gonna talk about sex. And we’re gonna talk about some kinks. But I do I think that like, like you said, a shift in energy and a shift in perspective, and like, leaning into just like those different energies really takes a leaf of exploration. And I think that that is, I think that the biggest, let’s say, hurdle for kinks would be people being afraid to explore and being judged for it.
Ben Frankenberg
Yes, yeah. That’s, I think it’s tough because there historically has been a heteronormative taboo on on exploration when it comes to sex and sexuality. Particularly in the United States. We love violence, but sex is off limits, like you can show any violent act and cinema. But the moment we get into bodies, we start to shy away, and other countries don’t don’t do that. So the conversation kind of shifts. And I think bodies and conversation with bodies have been so off limits that people are intimidated to even have that conversation, when it comes to their intimacy when it comes to the exploration of themselves, like alone in your bedroom at night to be able to like explore your body without any judgement, but you’re still sitting there and you’re like, What am I going to do? Is this, okay? This somebody’s gonna, like, think I’m doing something wrong. You know, we are some situations where
Carly Someplace
there’s so much shame associated with it, because we’re taught that it’s shameful. Yeah. And then when you’re by yourself those like, shame feelings. Not always, but like, initially come with things like that, like, Am I doing something wrong, like, This feels good, it must be wrong.
Ben Frankenberg
And I grew up with like a pretty sex positive family, like my mom was talking to me about sex when I was very young. And so I never had this great taboo about like, access to it, or exploration of it. When I was getting into that phase of my life, but the community in the world at large, there’s so much of that information that’s out there. I remember abstinence programs in my school for sex education, like groups of people saying the safest sex is no sex. And don’t you want to be not a chewed up piece of bubblegum when you get married? You know, those kinds of weird or? Yeah, wait, wait for marriage, and I’m like, but I’m queer. I might not be able to get married to the person I love. What do I do? And they’re like, Well, we hope you find God. And so these kinds of conversations kind of lean away from our ability to actually have the conversation about, Oh, it’s okay, if like, you bleed a little bit. Sometimes when you get into some special sexual activities, or, you know, pain doesn’t necessarily mean a bad thing. Like you can’t even talk about those things.
Carly Someplace
Because you can’t even talk about having sex without it being like, No, this is a taboo topic. Yeah. So I think that and I think it’s just such an interesting thing. And so I don’t want to say like my gateway into kink, I obviously photograph clients who will have kinks or or who want to like step into exploring it and so within my own like sets for photography, and I’ll call them sets because they’re not, I don’t want to say they’re not the real thing, because they are in certain ways they but they are like the very basic Introductory everything to it, I do, I know quite a few Shabari ties, just that look absolutely visually stunning and are the type of thing that occasionally my clients will come in and be like, Oh, we use jewelry all the time, and I’m super excited to then have photos of it. And if they know self ties, they’ll teach me if they know you know, different things like that, which is really really cool. Because it becomes this like learning environment for both me and for them which
Ben Frankenberg
Shabari the whole community is so about, like this sharing of energy,
Carly Someplace
right? It’s an it’s an it’s such a, like, beautiful art form. And I think I think that that I feel like so the two main that I work with would be Shabbat and bondage and I feel like those are very acceptable quote unquote, within like those like gateways into kink.
Ben Frankenberg
I’ll throw I’ll throw another variable at your work, like the idea of boudoir, like whether the images are for private use, like for a partner as a gift or something like that. But like you’re you’re inviting a person who’s not a sexual partner to perceive you in a sexual context. voyeurism true and if all right if we expand that into the public lens of like people perceiving us and seeing are trying to open ourselves to our and our intimacy up to the world. Like this is a conversation of like, okay, cool. Am I a sexual being? Am I being perceived as sexual? Do I get gratification from that? And like, when it comes to say bondage, and chivalry, those are such aesthetic practices in the kink world. Everybody likes to be a little peacock and have like nice decor. Of course, you can bring those things into the bedroom and actually play with them for scene. But I think that the conversation of am I being perceived? Or am I doing this in the context of like, actual sexual gratification? And why not? Porque? No, los dos? Like it can be a little bit of both. And I like Yeah, I think like the the access that is given by the introduction of seeing something like that maybe somebody’s never seen a shoe bar before. And all of a sudden, they’re like, what’s this like, pretty rope thing. And it piques curiosity in such a way to where they’ll start to maybe find images on their own, maybe find Instagram influencers and creatives and start to follow their their roads and eventually start tying themselves or telling other people.
Carly Someplace
Right, and I think I think it’s interesting, because I’ve actually had a client be like, I love that you offer this because it’s something I wouldn’t have thought of, but it’s something I’ve thought about. Yeah. And I was like, oh, okay, so like I can be just by saying these are things that I do. And these are things that I offer, I’m essentially offering like a no judgment zone for whatever they want within that.
Ben Frankenberg
Shabari is so beautiful,
Carly Someplace
Shabari, so beautiful. And honestly, I honestly think that bondage is too I think that there’s creating tension in photographs by physically putting something against the skin and having things I don’t wanna say like pulled tight, but like if you’re using handcuffs or something like that, something that has like physical tension in it and creating then tension against like skin and the body is a really, like, beautiful way to create tension and draw the eye to the body in a lot of different ways as well as accentuate, obviously the bondage that I’m using. And it’s such a cool thing and that and people are like, Oh, this is cool, this is fun, and it looks so different than something that just sits on your skin instead of it. I don’t wanna say into your skin but into your skin being pulled or being digging intention. Yeah,
Ben Frankenberg
digging, or rubbing roughly or I have rope burns from I was just tired yesterday morning. No, it was the morning before sorry, time flies. But I just did this the other day. And I was in conversation with the artist who a plug right now at Sedona rogue on Instagram. And we were having a little bit of a conversation in regards to like finding your boundaries, your physical boundaries that like bondage and Shabari offer like all of a sudden there’s all these contact points with you and the rest of the world and the outline of your being is being perceived in a way that you weren’t perceiving it before. So there’s this sensuality of specificity of like, this is where I am and I mean during lockdown and you know life as it is anxiety and disassociation and things like that. If you’re having a hard time finding yourself and centering yourself. Sometimes a little bit of like some stimulus can like bring you into place. Yeah. I mean, like, what are those things that they give to dogs that get anxious over storms? The thunder coats, it’s like a Yeah,
Carly Someplace
the thunder jackets. Yeah. And so like if you’re
Ben Frankenberg
feeling like a little out of place, bringing Shabari or bondage into your your space to be able to say this is where you are to be able to like be restrained and be like I’m Exactly right here right now. And the only thing I need to focus on is the boundaries of me and whatever the hell’s happening. So, you know, whether that be impact play or actual sexual activity, or just like restraint for the sake of restraint.
Carly Someplace
Right? Absolutely. Well, and that’s I mean, even in Senator jackets, that’s, I mean, we’ll see the very toned down version would obviously be weighted blankets for anxiety and different things like that. But it is it’s that pressure on your body that creates giving you a sense of like, I am here right now. And there’s no reason that that shouldn’t carry over into any form of sexual act. And I think that it’s important because, I mean, if we want to talk about quote, unquote, the elusive female orgasm, blah, blah, blah, a lot of in my own experience, it’s being present and not letting myself think about other things. Like I have 9 million things going on inside my head. But if I would like to orgasm with my partner, I need to be present. And that is, and be focusing on what is going on in my body. And a lot of times that can be that can happen from things either being refer or like, essentially, like, motions and movements and feelings that are keeping me in my body. And in that space, right at that time.
Ben Frankenberg
Yeah, because like disassociating, from the event saying, like, oh, yeah, well, what about that one thing? Oh, are they actually into this? Oh, like, kind of like pulling yourself out of the actual intimacy of the moment. Because we’re some oftentimes scared of like, some kind of judgment or something. Or, you know, maybe I gotta go get my groceries, let’s, let’s wrap this up. Like whatever’s keeping you out of that instant. Yeah, that makes things like rough on all ends. So, add narrative play is like the thing.
Carly Someplace
I think there’s a conversation to be had about that, too, of like, like, I’ve definitely told my boyfriend, like, I would love to have sex right now. I am not in the headspace to have sex right now. And it’s not going to be enjoyable for me. And he’s like, okay, fair, right. And I think that, because like, if I have too much on my brain, sometimes sex is exactly what I need. And other times I’m like, I just, I need to like brain dump all of this stuff before I can be present with you and be present in my body and enjoy this. On both ends, be Enjoy, enjoy pleasure enjoy being in my body. But right now I’m too in my head
Ben Frankenberg
to know what happened, what a great conversation to have. Because so many people oftentimes feel intimidated to communicate that they’re like, I’m not like, psychologically present enough to like, have this be a thing where you and I are together. Like this isn’t, this isn’t going to be an enjoyable act anymore. And I mean, people’s ability to be honest with their communication without the idea of shame, without the idea that anybody’s going to judge them is one of the first things we need to get into if we’re going to ever expand into like, harder, scary or weirder stuff. sex and intimacy should be a no judgment zone, you love this person, you’re trusting them with your body, and probably the most intimate ways you can make, you should feel like you can communicate to them.
Carly Someplace
Absolutely. And I think that that goes for even being able to having like, I don’t want to say like one of my students in different things like that. But like, if you’re doing things like that within a kink or anything, or just in general, you still need to be able to communicate your needs. And I think those types of communication are very different between like a long term partner, and obviously a short term partner, and a long term partner, I can say, I’m just not in the headspace for this right now. And I’m or I’m very in my head, and I have these feelings. A short term partner, generally, is something is a decision you’ve made to move forward with that because you are in the right headspace and a different thing like that. But still being able to communicate your needs and say, you know, I have boundaries, or these are, this is what I need. And this is, you know, different things like that, or this is what I’m thinking this is how I think this is how I process things. These are things I enjoy, because those communication practices are huge, huge and important in any sexual act of of any type. And I think that I don’t want to be like there’s a lot of bad sex happening, but there’s really a lot of bad sex. I’ve had a lot of bad sex.
Ben Frankenberg
I think I think that but like the route like this communication is important thing. So I would say like for many, many years, I was in monogamous relationships. And those relationships tended to be pretty heteronormative and the way that we engaged in our sex became to a degree habitual and lacking communication. As I have moved into the polyamorous and queer scenes and sex spaces where we do deal with like taboo and kink things. A big thing that I recognize now, especially as we engage in kink and taboo sexual acts, communication is key. We negotiate everything. Penetration is not assumed. If I have a penis and the other person has a place that they’d like that penis, we have to talk about that being a part of it. That’s not like That was such like a regular thing. That wasn’t part of the conversation in the habitual sexual acts, and being open enough to talk about all the specificity of what we’re going to get up to. And what I like, what I don’t like what I’m interested in trying, maybe I will, this is how we’d like to slow down, if we are getting a little too rough pace, this is how we need to stop having language like red means stop. Yellow means slow down, these kinds of things have made my more vanilla sex life, when it’s not even kink better, because now I know to communicate more. And it allows for one, we’re not in the mood to be easier to communicate, because we’re both on the same page. And we have the language. But if I didn’t have the language before, then how can I expect to be via good partner to like be on the same page with another person? Like, you know, let’s touch base?
Carly Someplace
Yeah, I think it’s it’s so incredibly important. And, and it should be important, whether you exist in having a very heteronormative relationship or not, like I think that there still needs to be those conversations of like penetration being expected. Like, that’s not, that’s not all it is, you know, and that is I just, for one, I wish sex education was much broader in the United States one, I think that by teaching so many different, just teaching the frickin basics is actually a big thing. And so there’s actually there’s a documentary that’s come out on Netflix, and I haven’t watched it yet. It’s about pleasure. And I’m very intrigued about it. And it’s it’s saying that, sis heteronormative men are obviously the ones who have the most orgasms period. And then anybody who is not a sis heteronormative, man falls underneath of that, and it goes down in categories. And I’ve only watched the previews for it, because I was like, oh, I need to sit down and watch this. I talked about, I talked about pleasure a lot. And and I talk about pleasure a lot with my clients. And I talk about obviously sexuality a lot with my clients and sex in general, because I’m putting them in something that traditionally is, quote unquote, sexy, because I’m giving them laundry, and I’m photographing them. And like you said, like voyeurism and it takes a lot for people to feel comfortable with that in the first place. It’s a really big step. And I always, I even encouraged people, because a lot of people will be like, Oh, my gosh, I’d love to, like, buy a session for my friend. And my answer for that is no. Um, regardless, one, I know that there’s obviously like costs associated, I am a business, I do run a business, I am a luxury business. So there’s a price tag that comes with it. So I want people to be fully aware of walking into financial commitments and different things like that. But to I’ve told people, no, you cannot purchase a session for somebody else, because I need them to willingly and open, I’d walk into this trusting me, because that’s what this is all about for me, because at the end of the day, these photos are about them. They’re not about me, they’re not about a partner, they’re not about a friend, they’re not about anything else like that. Because if they’re being done correctly, this person should feel more confident and more comfortable with themselves by being able to see themselves from a different perspective. And that has to do with them making the choice to be seen that way, period, it has nobody else’s intent, thought, whatever. If somebody’s not ready for that, they’re not ready for that. And I’m not going to let somebody else spend money on them, and then then feel pressured into that situation, to create images for any reason whatsoever, if they’re not comfortable with it,
Ben Frankenberg
negotiating their uncomfort ahead of time. I mean, obviously, the practicality of it’s so important here, they’re not even going to be comfortable in front of the camera if they you know, aren’t the person behind the wheel?
Carly Someplace
Exactly. And that goes for other things, too. Yeah, exactly. And I’ve done a couple sessions where somebody’s like, I just want to pay for it. And I want to do this for my friend because they said they were interested. But it’s it’s hard because there’s a lot of feelings and ideas that we have about ourselves that sometimes we’re not ready to confront with a camera, or or how we feel about our bodies in general. And I think that all of that, that communication leads into everything. And I I want to be able to communicate directly with the people who I’m photographing so I can say, you don’t have to, it’s okay to be nervous. You don’t have to do anything. You can tell me Carly, I want to wear everything that’s fully covered and covers more than my bathing suit and I will still make you feel as sexy as you want. But you have to tell me where your comfort level is because I’m not going to push past that. That is your decision. So and I think when I lay things out and I when my clients see, like, here’s my wardrobe, here’s my options. Here’s all of these things. And I will say I also have these Shabari ropes. I also have the fundage that’s I also have these things that are easy to take place within your session, not a problem. If you want them. You don’t have to want them and you don’t have to, or people can be curious about it. And I think that it’s so interesting because I see people who are going out of their comfort zone, just to have photos taken, and become in that comfort level. And then I will see them be like, Well, I’m already out of my comfort zone. So why not try something else even further out of my comfort zone and see if I like it. And I see so much growth in people during that and it’s so cool.
Ben Frankenberg
You unlock a door? And they’re like, oh, there’s a whole there’s a whole wilderness out here. Let
Carly Someplace
me let me explain exactly. They’re like, they’re like, Oh, I like cracked the door open to be like, this is interesting. And then they open it. And they’re like, oh, there’s a whole other world. There’s other worlds.
Ben Frankenberg
Exposure means a lot like some people have never seen Shabari before. And maybe this Assange Shabari may be the thing that like introduces somebody being like, what is this, like Google it? And I think like, knowing that there are options, without the pressure of this is something I want you to do. But being like, Hey, I’ve got these things, would you let it let it just stay in your mind a little bit. And having that be? I mean, going back to 21 That summer, it’s like you see other creatives doing things and you’re like, maybe that’s a piece of me that I haven’t explored yet. Yeah, and kink like, I think a lot of the things that I’ve found myself into, I mean, I’ve had curiosity, since I was really, really young, I saw some images of the Fetish factory robber doll ball, which is this big, high fashion kink event where people get leather clad and rubber clad where their faces are just like, you know, rubber masks, and you can’t see anything about them. But they’re these like, shape changing characters. And that kind of stuff tickled my imagination so much that I started to explore other aspects, and how to curiosity my entire life. And only when people came to me with options, that I start to explore things that I wouldn’t have activated on my own. Somebody comes over and they say, Oh, I’ve got, you know, a cattle prod, would you be interested in being prod with a cattle prod? And like, oh, I don’t know, like, sure. Let’s try like,
Carly Someplace
right. And I think I think again, it comes back to communication of they asked, they asked you, would you be interested in this? And they gave you every single right to say, No,
Ben Frankenberg
give you an answer. Yeah, only
Carly Someplace
within exactly an easy out. And I think that that’s, I think that that’s the first step into any one, it should be the first step into any sexual anything. Is an easy out. Yeah.
Ben Frankenberg
Don’t ask people out on dates when they’re working. They’re not. There’s not an easy out like that.
Carly Someplace
No exact Oh, my gosh, no, like, I know, thank you. A lot of times that I’ve been like, asked out while I’ve been at work, I’m like, like photographing a wedding. I’m like,
Ben Frankenberg
I’m not allowed to leave right now. And I have to be polite to you because it’s my job go away. And I’m
Carly Someplace
like, This is not an appropriate, this is not appropriate. And I Yeah, it’s people need to learn that. So this first step should be an easy out and asking, always, and, and I think that from there. It does, it opens a doorway, it opens a doorway to if they asked, and I said no. And they were fine with that. What does yes mean? What does? Where does? Yes, put me? And if I like this? Where does Yes, put me after that? What can I explore beyond that. And I think that that’s such the basis of like, I enjoy this, let’s keep moving on it until you find a limit. And that’s fine.
Ben Frankenberg
To find a limit,
Carly Someplace
it’s fun to find a limit. It’s definitely fun to find the limit. And I think that it’s important to find a limit to to find your own boundaries and limits of what you want and what what brings you pleasure because at the end of it, that’s that’s the big part of this too, is that when you’re partaking in, in any sexual anything, it should bring you pleasure in some way, shape or form. And that doesn’t have to be a traditional way or shape or form at all. Yeah,
Ben Frankenberg
well, I think like recognizing that orgasm isn’t the end of sex. It isn’t the goal of sex. So yeah, it’s super important. Especially for a man body types people who like, like to think that their orgasm is is the goal and then all for their activity. The idea of the elusive orgasm, if our bodies is like, what a nightmare that is Jesus, like I yeah, there’s been this idea that there’s an expectation and for some reason, people can’t meet it. It’s the conversations not even being had two people in that same room should be able to talk about what their needs and wants and desires are in such a way where they’re comfortable, where we can be like, alright, Is it attainable? Can we get to it? Let’s figure out how To get to it that’s going to be fun. That’s the fun part the the negotiation on exploration of it. And we get into the weirder things were like, Alright, cool, I’m tight upside down and I’m getting caned. I mean, weirder, fun, I don’t know, strange, taboo. I like the weird with the word weird I identify as weird. So,
Carly Someplace
I like the word weird, I think I would identify as weird as well.
Ben Frankenberg
A lot of like, kink play comes into, like, I never I never achieve orgasm from being beaten, but I love impact play, I love going to a space and having a partner, you know, hit me with a paddle or a whip, or a cat of nine tails, and learning about my body and its durability, and the the boundaries of where I take up space, and the experience of part of the extremity of it with in the safe confines of a trusting person that I can trust, who trusts me to communicate when my boundaries and my limits are being met. Like like the responsibility to communicate, it’s on the bottom as part but also the top to be able to like perceive when somebody’s gone past their limit. Because you know, when endorphins flow and things like that, you know sometimes it’s hard to communicate or if you have a gag in your mouth or something like that. But communication is key and you know you’re not you’re there to experience and xx is not orgasms sexes experience.
Carly Someplace
Yes. Experience and, and pleasure like just because pleasure isn’t just orgasm at all.
Ben Frankenberg
I think well, the pleasure is tough, because pleasures, like I’m in the Hellraiser School of sensation and judgment. So are you familiar with Hellraiser? Have you seen this film? No. I’m famous queer author, Clive Barker wrote a book called The hellbound heart, there’s a movie. It’s famous for having a character named pinhead. But the major plot is a person in pursuit of great pleasure opens this box, and in the box, releases these creatures called Cenobites. And they are angels, demons, something like that. Who believe the spectrum of sensation is without judgment. So pain and pleasure are the same thing. It’s just like our perspective on it is the difference. And these extremities, the boundaries of which we explore them, are the capacity of our of our greater interest. So this is where we find the best parts of ourselves is like going to the boundaries and seeing where we can go. And so pain, pain as pleasure pain as a thing I enjoy, but definitely still like, can be pain. But it’s without the judgment of this thing, being a thing that’s off limits. It’s a thing that’s in conversation with me, my body, my lovers, my trusted friends, people whom I feel safe with, where we should always feel safe in any sexual act. Like the exploration of the self. Yeah. I think that’s that I think that’s where my heart fits home.
Carly Someplace
I know, I liked that. I really liked that. i Yeah, and I think I mean, and when I’m saying we’re like, yeah, pleasure, I think pleasure is is so many different things. And I spoke on a previous podcast episode to Dr. Ashley Zimmerman, she is a pleasure coach. And I’m very excited to have her back on the podcast as well because I want to dive deeper into just like, talking about pleasure and something that we talked about is like finding pleasure within daily moments that don’t actually have to do with anything sexual at all, and then being able to take those feelings of pleasure which generally come with like feelings of joy in some way. And like liking that, and relating that into how to create those feelings in a sexual environment. And because all of those moments and so when I was talking about like something that I find extremely pleasurable that has nothing to do with sex is when my boyfriend gets out of bed in the morning and I get to roll over and literally starfish across the bed I’m like, this is such pleasure for me like I just like my body is like like every single time like I miss him but also like look at how much space I am
Ben Frankenberg
taking up letting was a big stretch of the day.
Carly Someplace
Exactly. And I think it’s a part of it for me is is taking up space. And I think that I’ve like I’ve kind of dove into that of like, Why do I find this super pleasurable and for me, it’s it’s taking up space unapologetically and doing it so subconsciously because it’s it’s our bed but like I I’m taking his side, and I’m taking all of this and I’m saying this is all my now and like and not apologizing about it because there’s nobody to apologize to
Ben Frankenberg
the, the need to apologize for being for simply like taking up space. Yeah. Wow. Like the whole world. I mean, I’ve, I think part of the pursuit of my more recent dive into the scene, the kink scene and taboo scene has a little bit to do with trying to unapologetically explore myself, because there was a point in time where I felt very free to be who I was. And then there was another point of time where I was kind of told to hone in on your image as an actor and make sure that you’re a little bit more branded, or something like that. And I think that killed the spirit of exploration in me for a little while. And I’ve come back to that I’m in the constant flow of learning unlearning relearning who I am. And in this exploration of the self sex, sex positivity, communication, finding my boundaries, what do I enjoy, is the thing that I’m still learning. And it’s a constant process where I have to tell myself, nobody’s here to judge you or change your way of being and if they are, they’re not worth your time, get them out.
Carly Someplace
Exactly that part, if they want to change you, then they are not. And I think that that is important in all aspects of relationships, not as self exploration and everything. But like, all aspects of every friendship, relationship, family relationship, anything that you have is, if people are trying to vastly change you, or tell you that you’re doing something wrong, when you’re on a path of self discovery, they don’t generally need to be there, like
Ben Frankenberg
they’re not on the road with you. They’re not trying to like move further, they stopped on that part of the road, and you’re going forward.
Carly Someplace
Right, exactly. And there, there are very few things that I think we could all categorize as like, actually truly wrong. Don’t murder other humans like
Ben Frankenberg
consent, consent to not everything. Exactly.
Carly Someplace
Consent is everything. And like, yeah, like, pretty much my brain is like, don’t kill people, like
Ben Frankenberg
I have, I had a vegan friend, and we’re having a conversation and he utilized the phrase, I think it was do not impose your will, like the thing that you want, don’t put on somebody else without their permission. Like they have to be late in the conversation.
Carly Someplace
Right. And it’s so I mean, and we can want to like, I think that this is where it gets confused, we can want to help other people on their journeys, but a lot of that comes with us imposing our own ideas and thoughts. And, and it’s really hard to, to do that, especially okay, we live in a world of influencers, like that is their job is to influence you into a decision. And I even categorize get categorized into the, like micro influencer. I mean, I have 15,000 ish followers across different platforms. And, and I know that I stand in a position of some influence. But I also, again, as we’re having these conversations, and very much so like comments you are, explore what you want, take what you want, my opinions don’t have to be yours, but but you need to respect that I have opinions, and you need to respect that, you know, this is what I want, just because it’s not what you want for yourself, or what you’re wanting to change into doesn’t mean that other people don’t. And I think that being able to have those guideposts is really important. And I think that conversations are even seeing I mean, back to sex and back to kink. Seeing those things is like, oh, do I like that? Do I want that? Do I want to do that. And I want to come back to an Instagram post that you made specifically. And obviously, we’re friends and I follow all of your stuff. And you said, You posted something when I do want to talk about it, because I don’t know what the word for it is, with the hooks things that you did hook suspension. Okay, no, no, you did a hook suspension thing. And you had photos of it. And you said, if you’re interested in this, please look at the next slides if you’re not keep scrolling. And I was like, Oh, do I look? Am I interested in this? Am I actually interested in this? And I’ve thought about it. I’ve literally thought about that post that you made since you made it months ago.
Ben Frankenberg
Oh, the so I did it on my Instagram story. And then I like write there’s something here and then I give some space.
Carly Someplace
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And since since you did that on your stories, I’ve thought about it. And I didn’t look at it because I don’t know like in my headspace. It wasn’t at that time. It wasn’t something that I was like, oh, I want to look at this at that moment, but I thought about it and I’m like, do I want to look at things like that? And the answer is like, potentially at but I also know that I could text you and be like, Hey Ben, can I see you That’s what else you send them to me. And that’s me asking permission. But I love how graciously you gave that space, knowing that it’s not going to be everybody’s cup of tea, and that people are you invited people in to explore if they wanted to, but also said, This is not for everybody at all, if it’s for you, or if you’re interested, you can look or and I believe you said, or you can ask me questions. Yeah. And that open door, I’ve been thinking about for months.
Ben Frankenberg
Or I’m so I’m so happy about that, because it was such like a passive thing in my mind.
Carly Someplace
Exactly, it was such a passive thing in your mind, but it is, it has been an active thing in my brain for months.
Ben Frankenberg
I love that. So I am informed graciously, by my curiosity. And I find myself following a lot of sex workers, and sex positivity thinkers, and dominatrixes, and C’s, and people who hold space for King stirs. And oftentimes, especially in the erotic arts world, things that tend to be a little bit more graphic. If if they’re posting on their storylines. Sometimes they’ll be like, Hey, listen, just a heads up, some of these things that are about to come up are not safe for work. And then they might give a little cushion there. And I think I learned that practice by exposure to these groups of people. I, if you follow my Instagram, you’ll find that most of my images are pictures of the tops of buildings. There’s nothing erotic in I mean, I find it erotic but like in a special sense. I think
Carly Someplace
that is great. I love it. If
Ben Frankenberg
you came here for the tops of buildings, and then all of a sudden you look on my storyline. And I’m like, acting up writing poetry showing egg yolks are erotic stuff, like, like, what do I sign up for? Yeah, drinking coffee in the morning, like, Who is this weird person? I have no clue. And so like, I think I do recognize that, like, there are habits of the way that I am presenting and perceived. And sometimes if you break that it’s a thing that like you are in conversation, especially through social media. And I aim to be in a world where sex and sexual conversation is very accessible, because I think that’s one of the keys to sex positivity is us being able to just talk about it. And, yeah, that particular thing is more on the extreme end of the hook suspension. It is body manipulation in an interesting way. body modification. And I mean, it’s a little gory, like, there are there are hooks going through my flesh. So definitely. And some of the images do have some blood. So which right isn’t off limits, you know, you’re full of it. We’re all full
Carly Someplace
of it. No, exactly. And I think that just the fact that I’ve thought about it so much since then, since you posted that is, and I don’t think it’s for me personally something that I would want to do. But my brain is also like, but would you want to photograph it, which is a whole other thing like those are, there are two parts in my brain that work like that, what I personally think that I would enjoy. And then there is what I think there’s part of being a photographer and seeing beauty and, and uniqueness and like different things like that, and things like that, that I’m like, this is really frickin cool. And I think that and there are the two sides of that, that sometimes come together. And other times they’re battling each other because I’m like, do I have the stomach for that?
Ben Frankenberg
I think I think one of the great things that I found, and I think one of the pleasures of this was my body is so capable of things that I don’t even give it credit for. Right How durable and powerful I am. And I’ve seen images of people doing this. So I know people can in fact do this. Why would I not be able to a question, right? I, you know, am I is it? Is it internally the thing that’s holding me back? Yes. Because the flesh can. So all right, is that a thing I want to hold myself back from why? And to continuously have a conversation about myself my desire and where I want to go with it. I’m an explorer, I want to know all these things about myself. The centering practice of having nowhere else I can be but this space, a foot off the ground, dangling from a rope. It’s so meditative, so very centering. It was one of the most present feelings I’ve ever had in my entire life. With only you know, the two contact points coming from my shoulder blades and the ability to explore close to 360 degrees like you can’t necessarily go up as much but you’re exploring your your ability to take up space in a different way. You know, I’ve thought about this for many, many years. And it was through access through having a conversation with a partner about home suspension and ritual and meditation, found that we were on the same wavelength enough that they introduced me to the person that had given them a hug suspension. And I found myself in an entire community of people who were exploring their bodies in creative ways. As artists, as spiritualists as kink practitioners, and hooks suspension, I feel like it is a big intersection of a lot of different places, there are people who will engage in it in the body modification sense, and you’ll see it at tattoo conventions pretty typically. Or there are people who are these are Ayahuasca ritual practices, where they’re, they’re engaging in hallucinogens, and they’re out in the woods, and somebody’s decorating them with paint, and they’re hanging off of a tray or something like that. Or these wonderful, intimate spaces in curated factory floor rooms, where you know, loving hands are holding you up, and they’re just allowing you to be there by yourself, you know, just find yourself in the universe. It’s, it’s an incredibly freeing and enlightening experience that I am so happy that engaged in and I will definitely engage in it again. And yeah, if anybody has questions, like, I’m not an expert, but I’m an enthusiast. And I’m always happy to like, point people in the directions to their desire.
Carly Someplace
Right. And I, I mean, I’ll say that that’s something I love about you, I think that you are such a person who is always like, open for questions about anything. That’s something I’ve always felt from you is that I could always ask you anything. And I think that that’s such a good, you’re very approachable, but approachable and cute. And I think that that makes asking those questions easier like this, this is probably not a conversation that I would just openly have with somebody that I don’t know. Even if they were like, Oh, I’m very much so in that community and different things like this. Because you and I do have a, you know, decade old plus relationship of friendship and honesty and openness and being able to be like, Hey, I like these things. And I like these things. And I think that that’s important. But I think that it’s you are so open and you open that door for a lot of people. And I think that that’s something that the world needs more of. So yay for you, because you’re so good at it. But okay, so I want to ask, because it relates all into it. So for one of the questions that I asked when I interview is generally like, when did you start to come into this, this comfort with your body, because obviously moving forward into these kinks and exploring these things, there has to have been a point where you were like, This is my body, and I’m claiming it for my own. And I want to know kind of when when that started happening for you, because I feel like everybody’s on a different journey with that.
Ben Frankenberg
Yeah, I hadn’t, I talked about it a little bit earlier. But like there’s this flow that’s kind of constantly gone through my life. And I think like there was a great level of I don’t need anybody’s permission to do a damn thing. In my youth, high school years, early college, things like that. And then there was a point where I started to make decisions based upon expectation, and wanting to uphold the other others expectation. And those expectations, I think, stifled my awareness of myself and my own desire, because I would set my desire aside for the idea of I might be doing something that’s shameful, I might be doing something that is counter productive to my career or counter to a situation that I found myself in. And as I think locked down probably gave us all a great moment to like, be still and think about ourselves. And, honestly, a large sequence of events put me in the place where it’s like, what do I want of myself? Who do I want to be that will make me proud and finding my body in a space where I was very disassociated during lockdown, finding out where this thing fits, and having a conversation with it. Finding comfort is is a thing that I’m always in conversation with. I’m always trying to figure out how does this thing that I didn’t have a lot of control over the choice of the body I was born in, or the way that it’s perceived, or the way that it works? How do I find ways to love it and explore its boundaries and be play within it in a way that I’m pleased by. And finding those things, I think comes into the kink world because it’s a big playground. Like the kink play is, you know, the verbiage. And I think as adults, we forget that we’re allowed to play. And allowing myself that is been the conversation that I’ve been having in finding comfort in my body.
Carly Someplace
Yeah, I, that’s, I love that. I really, I really love that. I think, because I do I think that we all we all just have such different relationships with our body. And I, I like that you said in, like, almost like the silence of lockdown. Just getting to reassociate with ourselves. Is is important. It’s really important. And, and just being able to have, you know, what do I want from this? What do I want from myself? And I don’t want to say it’s funny that sometimes it takes literally the world stopping turning to be like, Huh, well, now that I have nothing else to focus on, maybe I’ll focus on me. Well, right.
Ben Frankenberg
But what what I mean, the being able to find a bright spot in the darkness to be able to say, okay, cool. There are things that were good that came, like, I found something good in myself and a time that was rough for the world.
Carly Someplace
Yeah, absolutely. It’s important. And I think, I think self exploration is important. And I really, I’m intrigued that you’re like, in being younger, and even being in college of like, Oh, nobody can fucking tell me what to do. I feel like I was so like that for such a long time. And then I stopped. And I, and when you just said that I was like, God, what was it that made me stop? What was the catalyst that made me stop being like, Fuck everybody else? I have to be an adult. Exactly. And I think that there was a lot in that. That it was like, Oh, well, you know, what, what do I need to do? And how do I need to be perceived for my job for my career for my everything, and we should be past that, like, just, you know, fuck you, I want to be myself to which I don’t want to be like, going to art school is a very much so like, Fuck you, I need to be myself in itself. But then getting there and being like, oh, but now I need to fit in these boxes of being an artist. And it’s, it just it’s so interesting. Like, I relate a lot to that.
Ben Frankenberg
How do I how do I make myself into a sellable product for the capitalism of the world. And like, okay, very valid, no longer on my Allah, because the things that have felt most fulfilling in my life was when I completely embraced my spirit and soul, and sought unlock and another person, the the freedom to do the same. And when like, oh, oh, you’re glad to just exist. And when I, when another person does the same to me, when when all of a sudden, I’m inspired to just be to just be not be with the perception of how to other people give a fuck. Because once again, the people that embrace you on your journey, and are here to have that conversation and help you further along, or to love you, no matter whatever differences you have, like, those are the people you want in your company. So if anybody’s here to judge you, then then for you, like, exactly, I don’t need, I don’t need to live my life for anyone else. My body is mine. My My time is mine in the in the late of night when no one else is there to deal with the loneliness. Like, I need to find comfort and in my being and the only way I can do that is if I feel like I’m fulfilling my soul. So I’m exploring it as much as I can.
Carly Someplace
Exactly. So my next question really leads right into this of like, in all of this, what like beyond self and beyond choosing ourselves, essentially, are there influences of books or media or people who’ve really kind of nudged you along? This journey pushed you along this journey? Things that you’ve found something that you’ve read that you’re like, yep, that just changed the whole game for me type thing. Because I think that we having somebody else open that door, a tiny little bit can be enlightening to us. And that’s where all of this like influence comes from, which I think is important.
Ben Frankenberg
It’s It’s curious, I try to think about because I am easily led to inspiration, I’d say I try to find try to find the applicability of one thing and a billion other things and doors.
Carly Someplace
I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be easily inspired.
Ben Frankenberg
I’m quick to come, shall we say? But the I don’t know. Like I’m constantly exploring new outlets and I’m just letting my in interests lead the way. Like legitimately, if something piques my interest, I just like, give it the love and attention of that. And that’s always been the door, people in conversations have been really important. My mom being sex positive at a young age is a blessing that I know a lot of people don’t get. But like, you know, being willing to talk on my end, is one way that I can open the door for other people to open up so that they can yield to their beauty as well. And that’s how I’ve often found great inspiration is like, being an open vessel so that people who might not have yielded their treasure would. And there are plenty of influencers, like my curiosity leads the way through the kinkier edges of Instagram, it’s probably not great when I opened my Instagram and public places, because it’s like all, you know, whatever, sex workers showing off their goods, but I, I find that those places are the way that I found myself in the kink world and being better educated, and finding myself in a sex positive environment where I can talk about my body, talk about my interests, and desires and explore it is just kind of like exposing myself more and more to the things that I’m interested in. So follow up, follow your heart,
Carly Someplace
maybe follow your interests, follow your interests, just go for it.
Ben Frankenberg
There’s a as a thinker, there’s a person that I’ve always loved his mythologist and Joseph Campbell, and Joseph Campbell is responsible for the hero’s journey as like a narrative tool for like, explaining stories throughout mythology throughout the world. And he has a motto and it’s called, it’s follow your bliss. So and I think there’s other philosophies that kind of deal with this same idea of like, the more that you engage in, the thing that makes you gives you bliss makes you happy, the more magnetized along that road, you are to other things that are just on the the edges of that same thing. And so you continue to build momentum, and grow in your capacity to explore the thing that initially brought you there, but also possibly go down further roads to make you happier, and, and make that image bigger, and a new film that just came out the other day, everything everywhere, all at once talks about this multiverse theory of like, the paths that we can go down and all the little decisions that we make along the way and how those things grow to make the image of who we are. And so as I follow my bliss, the world fills out around it in a way that hopefully is as blissful or more blissful than the the choices I kind of made without following it.
Carly Someplace
Yeah, that’s cool. I like that. I like that. I like that explanation of it. Because I I, I like that. That puts it in very precise words of how I feel all the time being like, but do you like it, just go check it out.
Ben Frankenberg
And it’s okay not to like something like check something out and not like it. That’s cool, too. Because then it turns that road
Carly Someplace
off. I think that that’s the other key to it is just because it piques your interest if you then choose that you don’t like something? It’s okay. Yeah, it’s okay.
Ben Frankenberg
And you can also like something for a little while and then not like it anymore. Exactly. It’s cool to
Carly Someplace
exactly, you’re allowed to change your mind. And I think that that’s, I think that that’s something that, as we develop will say high school, we’re told like, oh, you really like this thing, great. It’s a thing that now you like period, forever. For ever. You don’t get together say in it. I think honestly, like if I can say that, I think that that’s why a lot of obviously teenagers find college so refreshing. Or, you know, just any change of moving out of a house that has these specific ideas of who you are. And then being able to move into exploring yourself. And there’s obviously that’s when a lot of, you know, quote unquote, kids get in trouble or they’re doing these things, and they’re acting so out of character. And it’s like, but maybe they were just exploring things that they’ve always wanted to and have been held back by other people
Ben Frankenberg
and weren’t given a safe environment to do it. So now it’s a reactionary, like, oh, it was made so taboo. Well, I’m curious about it. Let me go do it in a way that I’m not supervised or in a trusting space. I’m here doing it without guidance. Guidance is so important, like people go out to do ritual Ayahuasca they have a shaman next to them when they do it. Like existing have trusting hands open doors for you like you know, it’s it’s if you’re curious and need education, go get like a little education. It’s good.
Carly Someplace
Exactly. It’s yeah, it’s yes.
Ben Frankenberg
But following your pursuits exploring who you are in college like yeah, I come here have a desire to to be educated on this. And so all of a sudden my choice and my identity as a Part of that, but also like, I’m not supervised outside of myself. So now, I’m the person who I have to make happy. I mean, sure, there’s the world that we exist in. But remember, like, you’re the one that’s there the whole time. Yeah, you got to deal with that person.
Carly Someplace
You got to deal with that person for sure. Yeah. So self exploration is a whole, a whole thing. It’s amazing. It’s I think, I think it’s really formed a lot of just, I don’t want to be like who we are, yes, obviously, who we are. But I think that I think that when we find people that we look at, and we’re like, Oh, they’re so comfortable with themselves, or they’re so confident, or they’re so what have they done to do that? It’s self exploration, it’s finding those things that you don’t like and being perfectly content that you’re okay that you didn’t take that path, because you looked at it, you didn’t take it, and moving forward in in finding the things that you really love that light you up that give you these different influences, and that you’ve found trust and community and you can communicate and you do these things. And then that comes off as confidence.
Ben Frankenberg
Yeah, because I’ll be the first to say, I am not a confident person. I don’t have the best perception of myself in the universe. But the things that
Carly Someplace
blows my mind, because I think you’re so confident, and I
Ben Frankenberg
and I get told that all the time, I think it’s my resting confidence face. But I think the times where I feel free to explore myself, is when I trust that I’m in loving hands. For instance, you and I here talking, I love you. I trust you. I know you do. And I think that that gives me the confidence to be able to communicate clearly my truth, if I didn’t feel safe with you, and close up. And I feel like if if you meet me for the first time, oftentimes, I’m a little introverted, I’ll hold off on all my little like things. And, but once I know that I’m safe with you, then I’m completely open. And I think like, you know, being in a space to where we can hold comfort, trusting, loving space for everybody allows all of us to open up to who we really are
Carly Someplace
100% I so agree with you. And I feel the same about you. And being able to have conversations, there’s a lot of even I won’t go into all of our topics that we talked about. But the last time that we hung out in person, we ended up sitting in a bar together for like another like three hours after our other friend left and being able to sit and just talk and talk about all of these different subjects, everything from liking whiskies a specific way to you know, talking about sex and talking about relationships, talking about college talking about past relationships, those are conversations that you don’t just have with somebody you don’t trust, those are conversations that come from, you know, having, I mean, trust and communication, which is so incredibly important. So I you know, and I love you and I trust you. And again, there’s not most people that I would come to and be like, okay, so you had hooks put in your body. And can we talk about that? Like, that’s, you know, a thing, it’s definitely a thing. Okay, so my So my last question, which I’m curious about, because So again, we’ve known each other for over a decade. And so I’m always curious, when I asked this question is what is something that you would advise to your younger self and your younger self can be? Last week, your younger self can be a year ago, your younger self can be quarantined, your younger self, could be middle school, or college or anything. And I’m always curious, like what advice we would give our younger selves, because usually, it’s the thing we need to hear the most. So I’m curious what yours is.
Ben Frankenberg
It’s weird, I think I have something on my mind, because I keep kind of bringing it back to us a similar thing, this, this flow of confidence, no confidence, confidence. And the thing, I have no regrets. However, the note that diverted a path in my existence was this. Following of my bliss, and I think in my youth, I was very much willing to dress up and be flamboyant, and express my queerness and my coffee or side and I wear so much makeup when I was younger, and I stopped wearing it because this idea of like, oh, well, your look is a little too hard to sell kind of kind of thing. And so I started trying to appeal to another person’s idea of who I was trying to be who I could be, and the only person who really knows who I could be and try to be is me. And my exploration of myself and my desire to fulfill that as the most important thing and that’s what I had when I was younger and I’ve come to the conversation again and myself. So the the wisdom that I would yield to the younger me would probably be a high school version of me or early college version of me and say, You know what you’re doing thing, keep it up. Yeah. And I think, you know, embrace, embrace the part of you that is you. And that’s the wisdom that I will yield to myself to everybody, like, follow your heart, your interest, your curiosity, and it’ll make the world a bigger, better place. So
Carly Someplace
I love it. I love it. I can say, though, I’ve loved watching you. I obviously didn’t know you in high school. And I didn’t know you during those times. But we took one of our first college classes together we were in. I mean, that was a freshman year class. Right?
Ben Frankenberg
Was it it was a speech in public speaking. Was that our first class? Yes. Yeah,
Carly Someplace
I think so. That was early in the college. Yeah,
Ben Frankenberg
it was definitely we had a group presentation together on Whale Wars and whaling and things like that.
Carly Someplace
I feel like I’ve gotten to watch you grow into yourself so much more, because I didn’t know that confident before the unconfident section. And it’s, it’s been wonderful to watch it’s been wonderful to see you become more and more yourself and explore these different avenues. And, and, and I just hold you in, like such like happiness, that I’m like, Oh, I’m just so happy for Ben that he’s continuing to be happy that they’re continuing to be happy. And being able to do all of these things. And I love watching you grow. It’s it’s such a pride as a point of friendship. And I hope that you feel that and you feel that other people are proud of you and watching you grow, because you should feel proud and that you should feel proud in, in these things that you step into. I’m very proud of you. I’m proud of the person that you’re becoming and, and in, in always in this person that I’m having a conversation with about, you know, kink, and different things like that, as well as the person that I want you to get to see which we haven’t even talked about. And we could do a whole other episode on we should do a whole other episode on your career and the ways that you’ve moved through becoming yourself within your career and acting and film and different things like that. I think that those are very important
Ben Frankenberg
to lifelong journey to learn who we are. So yeah, on that road still.
Carly Someplace
Absolutely. Ben, my dear. If listeners want to follow you on Instagram with that’d be okay with you. If so, please share your Instagram with us so that they can potentially have an open door into a safe kink community and a person to talk to if, if you’re willing.
Ben Frankenberg
I’m completely willing, if people want to reach out to me on Instagram, my Instagram is in place of fallen stars. I’m also on Twitter at Ben horrible, and I’m not super active on Facebook. However, every year for 21 mid summer, I do jump back on to kind of be a more active member of the Facebook community. So if you want to engage in the 21 days to mid summer community, come find me on Facebook. Otherwise, I’m a public.
Carly Someplace
There is a Facebook group that is 21 days to mid summer as well. That’s fair. Yeah. And I can I can link that into the show notes so that people can find it pretty easily. So
Ben Frankenberg
I’m a public creative. I like talking to people about being creative, and I’m approachable. So feel free to reach out if you want to.
Carly Someplace
I love it. Thank you for being that open door for people. It’s it means a lot to me to have you be an open door for them because you’re an open door for me always. And I appreciate that. So I can gladly extend and be like, This is bad. We are friends. They will guide you and let you in this door to
Ben Frankenberg
open heart always.
Carly Someplace
So open heart always. Ben, thank you so much my love for coming on. I’ve really enjoyed this conversation and I would love to have you back in again another time. Thank you love. I’d love to. Thanks so much for listening to some place for everybody. If you love this episode, would you mind leaving me a review in your favorite podcast app and subscribe to the show. If you’re looking for a community to love on you and support you and your self love Journey, come join our all gender Facebook group someplace for everybody which can be found in the show notes at someplace for everybody.com Until we meet again. Be kind to yourself.
