Have you explored and experienced all of the pleasured and love in your own body? In part one of this two part series, Ali Bravo of Raptrix joins us to share her journey to building her business, guidance to self-love, and getting comfortable with herself and sex.
Review the Show Notes:
Get To Know Ali (1:52)
Overcoming Shame (2:47)
Pain into Gifts (3:42)
For Love Parties (5:30)
Creating Raptrix (11:50)
Bondage in Photography (15:00)
Corsets in Bondage (23:55)
Ali’s Body Journey (28:24)
Understanding Privilege (35:35)
New Insecurities with Body Change (37:30)
Getting Comfortable in Sexuality (40:05)
Getting Comfortable with Kink (42:52)
Connect with Ali:
raptrix.com – 15% off with CARLY15
Review the Transcript:
Carly Someplace
Hey, y’all, I am so incredibly excited to introduce this week’s guest. But this is also going to be a two part episode. So I’m incredibly excited to introduce my friend Ally to you. But I’m also going to let this episode be two parts for a very good reason. Without further ado, I would love to introduce you to the first half, Ali and I are going to cover a couple sort of uncomfortable topics, but we’re gonna get to know ally a little bit. And we’re going to talk about getting comfortable with sex. And I cannot wait for next week, we’re going to start talking a little bit about getting comfortable with kinks and the kink community and how ally is involved there. So without further ado, I would love to introduce you to ally Bravo.
Carly Someplace
Welcome to someplace for everybody where we talk about the longing and being a human in our bodies and living in and learning to love our bodies. I’m your host, Carly someplace. This podcast is brought to you by someplace images good wall for everybody. You can see the full show notes and some place for everybody.com. Now let’s change some self perspectives
Carly Someplace
Hi, y’all, it’s Carly someplace. And I’m so incredibly excited to introduce you to my dear sweet friend Ali. Ali is the owner of her new company, which I love, which is called rap tricks. And Ali makes bondage gear. So handcuffs, just so many different amazing things, many of which I already own for my own studio and I get to use with my clients, which I think is absolutely fantastic. And Allie and I went to high school together. So we’ve known each other for a hot minute. We also here’s here’s my favorite Fun fact, before I let you talk about yourself. I’m also very commonly like people call me Ali like people can you on a regular basis, like on a regular basis? Which just makes me laugh because like, I mean, I guess we look alike a little bit like fabulous brows. I mean in high school long brown hair. But I’m like yeah, no, I’m not ally, but that’s okay.
Ali Bravo
To a compliment, but you know, like,
Carly Someplace
I’m like, I love her. But that’s not me. That’s not me. So Allie, tell our listeners a little bit more about yourself. And then I’m super excited to talk about rap drinks. I’m super excited to talk about bondage and sex and just like some quote unquote, taboo topics that I don’t think should be taboo. And I know you don’t think they should be either.
Ali Bravo
Absolutely not just a few of my favorite things. And you know, What’s relevant is one of my nicknames is Professor pervert. So I love talking about sex, but I love doing it in an educational way. So, yeah, as you said, I’m an artist, I make leather bondage gear, which was a fun kind of meandering way that I got into that. I’m also on the leadership team of an organization called for love and for love. We are aiming to build equitable, trauma informed and privilege aware spaces for sexual liberation. And that looks love a couple different ways so we can dive more into that too. But yeah, so excited to be here. I love that. My path has brought me to a place where I’m able to share Yeah, the kind of things I shamed about myself for a really long time and to be erased.
Carly Someplace
Yeah, that’s a huge, just just that centage sentence is like a huge space of growth. And I think that when I see I don’t even want to say like powerful women, but like powerful people, most prominently powerful women, when I see them, it’s that they’ve stepped into talking about things that they were told were shameful, or something about themselves that they were told was shameful for a really long time. And they’re like, but I’m not ashamed of it. So like, what, and I was told that I should be so I did for a really long time. And now I’m not and I think that that’s like, such a powerful step to overcome it in ourselves. And like, it’s, it’s definitely like a common denominator between people who are powerful in so many ways is that they’ve overcome some sense of shame, about something that they’ve been told they needed to be ashamed of. So it’s, it’s so amazing.
Ali Bravo
totally unlike, you know, a teacher of mine puts it this way that like, our shadow is where our greatest gifts lie, right? Like our greatest points of struggle, are if we can alchemize those like are really the places in which we can not only like, come into a new place of power within ourselves, but the permission that we give to others by being like vocal and outspoken about these pain points like is is magical and And, you know, I’m sure, you know, my favorite example is like my relationship with my body has been the greatest source of pain in my entire life. Like, it’s been the biggest place. And I’ve now alchemize it into one of my my, the biggest the biggest gifts that I give to the world, right is radical self acceptance. And so I’m grateful for that struggle, because I really had to, like fight for it, you know, fight, fight for the fight for the love.
Carly Someplace
Yeah. Yeah, I told I mean, I totally agree. Same, literally same. Well, okay, so let’s start with Tell me a little bit more about for love. Because I’m curious about that. And I want to hear what these spaces look like. And then I want to hear and then and then I want to dive into obviously rap tricks and you know, different things like that. There’s, we’ll get into it in a second. But there’s a lot of like discussion in, in my world of the boudoir world of people shaming photographers for using bondage gear and not creating safe experiences for their clients and different things like this using bondage justice props, and I’m really curious to like, hear, like, have a conversation with you about that specifically. So being as you are the person who has made the bondage gear that is in my studio
Ali Bravo
to rewind to your first question, so for love, I came into for love. In the pandemic, and for love started the way the way that I came into it was zoom sex parties. Cool as Yeah, and my partner and I, at the time both got an invite to this zoom sex party. And we’re like, oh, I don’t know. Let’s check it out. And it was so beautiful. We had a blast. And I discovered that having sex on camera as a fetish I never knew I had but it definitely habit, just exhibitionism. And just, it was just this really safe container that was created, like to explore, to play to celebrate pleasure. And so we started going together and just like building this amazing community, like during this profound time of disconnection, like getting to connect with people in this really cool way and finding this new like thing in myself and and then there was a time he couldn’t come with me. And so I got invited to kind of emcee the, the main kind of play room, which looks like, you know, we’re very, like, consent driven. And so there’s a, in a, in an online setting, there’s like a green yellow red system that basically denotes the amount of interaction that you’re consenting to. So like, red is kind of their their to Voyer you know, like don’t don’t DM a red don’t feature a red, yellow us consent. Hey, man, I flirt with you can I send you a DM and then green is like consenting to like they’re, you’re responsible for your nose so someone can be like, hey, look really hot tonight. And like also the, the moderator can like, like, can feature their their screen right? Or green. And so I was asked to come in and kind of be that puppet master and be also in my own pleasure and getting to bless people up you know, that probably don’t get celebrated for their pleasure a lot. And yeah, it was such an incredible like, I just felt it was a deeply spiritual experience for me honestly, of just like being an advocate for everyone’s worthiness to feel at home in their bodies everyone’s worthiness to feel pleasure to fucking feel themselves. Yeah. And that was like my entrance into the leadership team of for love. And then and then we go a little extra No, no, really, okay, there was an at the time there was there was other organizations like throwing sexy online parties. And we’re like, let’s get the utricle with it. And so we started coming up with these ridiculous storylines and ridiculous like activities like personifying the evil doctor shame and Dr. Shame, like you know, is defeated by orgasms and connection and vulnerability and had all of these like elaborate, you had to come up you got like paired with other people in a breakout room and how to come up with a shared sexual interest and then design a sex toy using random objects from your home and come back and present them Shark Tank style to our panel of judges, which included like Princess Poseidon, who ruled the seven seas with the with the powers of her pussy. Just just I love. This was how you got into the sexy party.
Ali Bravo
Yeah, just absurd. Absurd. So that was that was like that was during the pandemic, and then kind of the desire and also just we were putting in so much effort for no money. They kind of had had waned a little bit. And so let’s see last what, what, what years, in March, we pulled off our first we were, you know, we’ve been passionate about sex education and hadn’t really had a like Avenue or outlet to do that. And so we had a two day A erotica workshop series called Love skills. And we had 14 different hosts across four different tracks. So we had kink, we had like deepening relationships, like how to ethically open up your relationship, attachment styles, and we had like, deconstructing, like how to fuck up better how to, like, you know, examine our light, like our binary language in sexually charged spaces like just like, incredible. I led a workshop on destigmatizing STI conversations. And so it was just such a special experience to bring all these voices together. And that’s where like the equitability and like the trauma informed and like all of that like just being cornerstones for us, where we split the proceeds, there’s a lot of like, online, you know, conferences and stuff where like, the facilitators are not getting paid, it’s just for exposure. And we split our proceeds equally between all of the facilitators, we were able to pay everyone pretty well for like an hour and 15 minute conversation, and that that felt so good. And just just looking at the makeup of our, of our panels, like, it was rad, we had so many different voices represented. And that’s, that’s really important to us. So that was really beautiful. And then we’re stepping into in person events, and we’re going to do anything. Yeah. Immersive or erotic experiences in person, which is very, very exciting. So is exciting. Yeah. So that’s, you know, just the umbrella for love is, yeah, that just that we’re committed to sexual liberation. And that can take a lot of different forms. And yeah, we’re making some magic and it feels really good.
Carly Someplace
I honestly love that so much. I think I really think everything you just said is probably going to blow somebody’s mind. Because not only like some somebody’s probably gonna be like, I didn’t know this existed. And I need to be a part of this. And I think that that’s like, my favorite thing is that like, of like, I mean, even just like having a podcast and having a platform of being able to be like, Okay, let’s talk about something that like most people think are taboo, like or whatever. And let’s talk about it deeply. And I Oh, my gosh, I love that. So let’s transition into talking about you as an artist and how creating bondage gear has kind of opened you up both in that art space, and then being able to obviously do things like lean into things like for love that obviously, are right in the same alley in so many ways.
Ali Bravo
Like, all my things overlap, and these really cool ways. So rap trick started about two years ago, I had a king I had met someone, we had a pretty fiery connection, we planned a day. And we both were kind of like, like, let’s explore some kinky stuff. And I one day was like, I was like, I think I think I had a very cheap pair of handcuffs or something and just wasn’t luxurious at all. And I was I was in so I’m a leather worker. I’ve worked for a handbag designer for the past six years. She’s taught me everything she knows about leather, and it’s really powerful. So I was in the leather studio, and I was like looking at this like big bin of scraps and realizing like wait, I have all the tools at my disposal to make my own handcuffs. Yeah. And so I made my first pair of handcuffs and my first caller. And, you know, the date didn’t didn’t work out that well, he turned out to it turned out to be kind of a trauma bond and we weren’t right for each other. And so that’s okay. But the process of creation like I just I can point there’s there’s some really pivotal moments in my life where I get into this flow state of creativity that have been like really impactful for me that there was one for example that that made me realize I should go to fashion school. And so I got that same just like this just total flow state like of creation of like, okay, like, go this way. And so that had happened while I made the handcuffs and I was like, well, we have overflowing scraps. We at that point, we had like garbage bags full of leather scrap in the garage, that we you know, we’d make small stuff with it, but just couldn’t keep up with the the volume of it. And so, right. Yeah, so I that’s, that’s where rectrix was born, you know, and I had to work through a ton of impostor syndrome, on both sides of the spectrum of like, being way too kinky for my community, or, you know, my teachers that I’m friends with on Facebook or, you know, like, who I’m being perceived by and then also on the other side of that of like, I’m not nearly kinky enough, like, you know, like, Yeah, I’m kinky, but I also enjoy like, you know, some good missionary. And so got got to work through that. And that’s, you know, part of the advocacy that I speak of, of just like everyone’s worthiness to explore these things with integrity and with mine. Wellness. You know, I do I do think that not being intentional and informed can be harmful as in you know, with certain things like choking for example is, is that as Dan Savage says is a varsity level kink that like a lot of JV people are doing, but the bondage of um, but yeah with with, with I love introducing people to I mean I love the season King stirs that love my stuff because it’s all it’s like I love the reaction and, and selling to those people but my favorite is to introduce someone to kink that never has before and seeing like, the excitement and the like anticipation and you know of like, oh, this can be for me, you know, like, this doesn’t have to be, you know, walking into a sex store is scary. And so I like to myself like a safe pervert. Like, to me, my pity is
Carly Someplace
I love I almost like I almost want to say like, I could probably qualify myself in the same category. Like, I even was with a client today. And I was like, okay, and like, you know, we had her outfits laid out and all this other stuff. And shot with your handcuffs today. And, and, and your spreader bar that you made for me. And, you know, just and I was like, okay, and I was like, Don’t be afraid to take your clothes off because I’m literally going to take photos of you naked within the next like 35 minutes because you requested nudes. So like, which is fine with me. But like, it’s just like, and I think I mean part of it is giving people that permission to to let themselves I don’t want to say like, let their hair down in front of you kind of but like yeah, it’s, it really is. And it’s you know, that’s there being like, okay, okay, and like, and at this point, I’m like people if people are feeling shy or whatever I’m like, I’ve literally seen it all. Like I’ve seen it all, I promise you. I’ve shot hundreds of sessions at this point, like I’ve seen it all.
Ali Bravo
You can’t surprise me like
Carly Someplace
you really, you really can’t surprise me and I really have like, like, any type of body you have. I’ve seen it like I shoot all genders and you know, just get to like, and I a lot of like guys get really self conscious. They’re like, what, what if I get a boner? I’m like, Oh my God, I’ve seen one before. It’s okay. Right? Like, especially a lot of it happens like during couple of sessions, and they’re like, okay, but like, what? And I’m like, I would expect you I would respect for the fact that I’m literally putting your like, girlfriend, wife, fiance, partner, whomever this person is on top of you in a sexy pose. And now hold it. And
Ali Bravo
of course, you’re going to get erect.
Carly Someplace
I’m creating sexual tension for you. Of course you are.
Ali Bravo
That’s amazing.
Carly Someplace
Yeah, it’s, it’s great. But I like that. I guess. In my brain. I feel like bondage can kind of be like, I don’t want to say like a gateway kink. But I feel like it’s an easy, like a very easy kink. To open that gateway. Because I have people be all the time. I had a client come a couple of months ago and, and she was like, okay, so this might sound weird, but I have this pair of handcuffs. I’m like, Oh, girl, I got you. It’s fine. She was like, I have the key for them. Like they were like real legit handcuffs. She was like they’ve been sanitized. I promise. I was like, like, actual police department handcuffs. She’s like, I promise they’ve been sanitized and cleaned. They’re not nasty. It’s good to know. And I was like, as long as you have the key, and that’s all good. Like, but like, I was like, I shoot with handcuffs on a very regular basis. You know, I? And then my first question is, okay, so what are you comfortable with me doing with these? Right? Do you want them behind your back? That’s an uncomfortable position. Do you want them in front of you? Do you want them just like for show? Do you want them? Like, do you want them to be used in some way? Do you want to be handcuffed to something like those are all questions. And so myself like the specifically the session that I shot today, like it was advertised as a bondage session, so she knew what she was getting herself into, versus when somebody brings something, I always am asking those questions of like, how comfortable with this? Are you? Is this something you and your partner do? Or something that you’ve done before? Like, I don’t want I don’t want to be the first person to put you in handcuffs and have you not like it?
Ali Bravo
For sure. Because it can be triggering as hell. It can be
Carly Someplace
really triggering really triggering. And I think that because I know, a tiny tiny bit of chivari as well and being able to, which is obviously just such a beautiful art form. And it’s an I don’t want to say an easy thing for me to take photos of but the ties that I’m doing are not restrictive the ties that I’m doing aren’t they’re pretty, they’re not restrictive. They’re not actually well leaning into what chivari is all about. But But I will have clients be like, I’m really curious about it. And I’m like, Okay, what I’m giving you is like a Disney version of this because I’m going to give you pretty ties that don’t hurt. And or don’t restrict you in any way. And if you’re wanting to leaning to this, I highly recommend to researching a lot more into it. And it’s just such an interesting conversation. So like I was saying a little bit earlier, that’s that I’ve seen happening in the boudoir community a lot. And I’m very curious for your take on it that people are being like, Okay, well, I want to offer like a bondage set and people are like, are you in the kink community? Do you know anything about this? Do you have like, anything to offer your clients after you take them out of bondage? Do you have a fuzzy blanket somewhere for them to sit to so if they have any trauma around these things? And other people are like, Oh, I’ve just never even thought about it. I just put handcuffs on them. And I’m like, That’s not.
Ali Bravo
Yeah, yeah.
Carly Someplace
It’s such an armed Right, exactly. And it comes in, like, and I have to say, like, your handcuffs that you make are so incredibly soft, comfortable. And like absolutely wonderful. Like the leather is just like buttery and fantastic. So I feel like handcuffs like yours are something that you can put on and it is comfortable. And it’s not. It feels it feels nice, literally. Versus like if you take a pair of like, let’s just say like actual police handcuffs. Those are very uncomfortable, they bite into your skin, they do all of these different things. And so it’s such a, it’s interesting to see the dichotomy of that in the community where it’s coming from a visual standpoint and not intellectual. Anything else standpoint?
Ali Bravo
Right? Totally. I have Yeah, I have feelings. I have thoughts. Yes. And I think I think that this can be said, of so many different communities and avenues and intersections, is the lack of trauma informed care. And that the people doing it out of integrity because yes, I mean, like you are taking a picture, right? You’re not You’re not like in an actual scene with someone tying them up. But like, like I said, it can be immensely triggering. And there’s also there’s also inner, and if someone’s never done it before, they might not even know that they’re gonna get triggered. You know, and for me, I’m just really thinking of like, the intersection between like, race and kink and like how, like, you know, the implications of a person of color being tied up, and like how that you might not even realize and so yes, and so after care, it’s just like any kink scene of like, you have a discussion beforehand. You set boundaries, you set limits, you talk you have a safe word, you know, you like all of these things and then yes, after care and like and the responsibility of the photographer that’s like taking someone into this space to like, yeah, have some have something to drink, have something to eat, have something to bring bring someone back to the present moment and like, have the tools that if if someone does get triggered, like to at least have some base level knowledge of how to walk someone walk with someone through that experience? And so yeah, that’s a little terrifying to think that there’s just photographers out there, like tying people up willy nilly.
Carly Someplace
I mean, I like I don’t want to be like I have these really cute handcuffs as well that are from Savage X Fenty, that are literally like, plastic. And by plastic. I mean, like they are like, clear, bendy plastic clear little like, they’re, I would never even consider them something that could actually restrain anybody. Yeah. And it’s, you know, they’re definitely more for the visuals. And I think that, and I’ve had, I’ve had clients say, Oh, can I do these ones instead? And it’s maybe that they are more comfortable with the fact that like, those are quite, I don’t want to call them fake because they’re still like, technically a piece of bondage gear, but they’re, I think that they, they look safer. They look and they feel safer, because they’re flimsy. And if it’s, if it is a matter of actually, you know, feeling like you’re in handcuffs, they’re not going to give that feeling. Yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure. So and I always I let people pick I let people pick any of the things that they want and and it’s always their their choice and it’s yeah, it’s it is it’s always their choice. I mean, any anything in my studio is their choice. What do you want to wear? What do you want to do? What shoes do you not want? Choose? Do you want? It’s always
Ali Bravo
like, Yeah, it sounds like you are really mindful with like your questions and like being super specific. I can’t wait to do a session with you.
Carly Someplace
i It will be so much fun. But it’s interesting because like I feel like there’s there’s so many subtle pieces of bondage gear that I think that people don’t think is kind of bondage. So like, let’s talk about corsets. Like those are definitely something that and I mean, I will say the majority of my corset collection actually came from you, you do to me. It didn’t till this moment that that happens. That’s something Did you gave me 10 Absolutely beautiful, beautiful corsets. But I think it’s such an interesting thing. And I’ll say like speaking from a very, like feminine female perspective, like putting a corset on where like, I feel powerful like, but it is such a different form of bondage and in different ways and like lacing somebody into a corset is kind of a violent act.
Ali Bravo
Yes, well, I’m just right now I’m just thinking of because I’ve been thinking actually about corsets and why I wore them for such a long time. And actually, I’ve been kind of getting back into it a little bit but of just like the the constriction, feeling safe and another in another of my lives, I’m a huge nervous system nerd and teach about polyvagal theory and the autonomic nervous system and our vagus nerve, but like part of the reason that like I think corsetry was always so soothing is like that feeling of like constriction of like being, it’s like being held. And I like it almost like a weight. Yeah, exactly like weighted blanket, which is really good for your nervous system. And so I get a similar thing with with bondage in which like, when I like I’m such a control freak and can have a hard time like letting go and being super present. And so being literally tied up and unable to move, like help just does something to my nervous system or like, like, just can like so. Relax and surrender, like because I physically am unable to do anything else. But it’s a similar like feeling in my nervous system of just like a delicious, like ability to kind of surrender. And that’s the same thing with a corset where I’m just being held and I can almost like let myself be supported by it. And it’s not for everyone, right? Like some people a weighted blanket feels like like the most the scariest thing in the world, like super claustrophobic. And it’s I was talking to a fellow nervous system nerd about like, why things like self hugging and like different things feel good for some people and others were, like talking about like, the womb, the feeling of being in the womb, but also like, you know, how much we were held as children right? And how and how that might be an influence on anyway. Now, but
Carly Someplace
listen, I love when people nerd out. It’s so happy. It makes me so happy. Like I love watching people be nerdy, because it’s passion, like having that like passionate about something that you find absolutely fascinating. And I think that then when you tell other people about it, if you’re doing it with passion, like do I want to learn about the nervous system from a textbook absolute fucking do I want to learn about the nervous system and how it relates to like, literally what we’re talking about, like being laced into a corset, and like how you’re held as a child, and like, all of these, like, just different things. Like that’s such an interesting and like, real life thing. versus, like, here’s the textbook, totally
Ali Bravo
the way I describe it, as I’m an enthusiast of enthusiasm, where you can be talking about something that I have no idea what the hell you’re saying. But if you’re passionate about it, like I’m pumped, I’m stoked. I am. I am co regulating with your passion and feel fucking great.
Carly Someplace
Yes, no, I love that I really love that. Let’s talk about so I mean, obviously, that you had all of these wonderful, amazing corsets, which you donated to me, which, which kind of comes in on a change in your body, but that’s why you donated them to me, but also, so I want to talk about that. And I want to talk about how, like, was that potentially a gateway into type of types of bondage for you? Or? Or is there like, I mean, as we’re talking about bondage kind of being this like gateway open door to kink? Is it was that your open door into kink? Was bondage your first experience?
Ali Bravo
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just trying to think now. Potentially. Potentially. Yeah, potentially. I liked that. I liked the inquiry, and I’m going to sit with it more like Yeah, maybe. Maybe it
Carly Someplace
was. Maybe it was
Ali Bravo
maybe it was. We could I would love to talk about my body journey, though. If if,
Carly Someplace
yeah, yeah. Let’s talk about it. I feel like it’s important.
Ali Bravo
I mean, it is important, such an integral part of my story and how I got here, and you know, all of that. But yeah, for those that don’t know, I’ve lived most of my life in a larger body than this one. And it like I said that my body was a deep source of pain. And it was, there was a lot of things that made me different and ridiculed for being different, but being big was one of those things, which looking back now, like when I was getting the worst bullying for being fat, like, wasn’t even like anyway, that’s, uh, oh, yeah, no,
Carly Someplace
I look I mean, I look at I look at pictures from high school, which is like, majority of the worst bullying that I had for my fat and I’m like, but I was so tiny.
Ali Bravo
Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yes, totally. And you know, and so and so I was large for most of my life, but I also would yo, yo, really extremely. And I would do all of these things. Like, in college, I had a drug addiction, anorexia, and what like an exercise addiction and like lost all this weight. And I remember coming home from college my first year and like, all Anyone could tell me was how amazing I looked. And so I was like, okay, cool. As long as I’m doesn’t matter that I’m killing myself, like, as long as I’m thin and like the world thinks I’m worthy. And now I have this, you know, and, and then that was never sustainable. And so I was just like, yo, yo, back the other direction. And then some, and just my self loathing would increase with the size of my waistline, and it was brutal, and gnarly and terrible. And, yeah, and so, fate, a long twisting road of Fate brought me into this amazing program called the School of connection that basically was just this incredible nature connection. And we would go one weekend a month on this like, super magical piece of land, and just get to like, wander and do all these different magical exercises. And for me growing up in Tahoe, like in the outdoors, but like having a body that wasn’t represented where I was, like I lived in paradise I lived in, but that like I was told my body didn’t belong in nature. And so I like abandoned so many of the like, outdoor things that my peers did, like, I had to buy my first pair of hiking boots for this program, because I didn’t have them. And I was, gosh, how old was I was like in my 20s. And I had to buy my first pair of hiking boots because like, you know, being in nature, I felt like I didn’t belong.
Carly Someplace
I relate so hard with literally everything you’re saying. It’s like, I don’t want to say where we grew up is so brutal in so many ways. But it it really is. It’s not. Yeah, it wasn’t, it wasn’t kind. And, and I even I’ve talked about this on the podcast before, I still did three sports a year, I still was I was more athletic, as in high school. And as a kid when I was at the like height of being bullied for being fat and being different and being all this other stuff. And I was like I played three sports a year. Like, it’s not like I did nothing. Yeah, and we were told so often that we don’t belong, and that where we’re not our bodies aren’t, you know, any of that? And, yeah, yeah, everything you’re saying I’m like
Ali Bravo
and so on one of these such weekends, we were like, had like four hours to just go romp around. And this particular month was like really focused on the body and like asking our bodies what they wanted, where they wanted to go, what they wanted to do. And the steward of this land had all these trail cutting tools, because we had, she had cut all of these amazing little nooks in the Manzanita where we slept in like, this was a it was amazing was like 100 acres, and just stunning. And she had said like, hey, the trails cutting tools are here, I invite you to like CO create, you know, the land with me, like, you’re welcome to cut new trails. And so as soon as we were told to, like, follow our bodies, and like our inner child, and I was like so, so excited. So like I like I’m just like, bursting through the bushes with like an axe and like a song just like oh, like wild woman. And I started like hacking through because I knew this great little path, that would be awesome, you know that we wouldn’t have to go all the way around. And so I’m like, start hacking through the bushes. And I got really tired because I like wasn’t in good shape or wasn’t active and I like got really, really tired. And I sat down on the ground and I like wanting to quit. And I I had the most beautiful realization in this moment. And I could see all of the stories like all they were just clear before me I could see how I had like, worked out so many times in my life to like achieve like getting a bikini body or to like look a certain way and I was like, wait, no, fuck that. Like, I want to I want to be active so that I can like, like, climb mountains and Anita and like just like how just just the stories around like I’ll like the motives behind all of these ways. I tried to change my body and like I laid upon the earth and I felt so held. And I could just see the lie of like that our white supremacist patriarchal capitalist orgy of doom that we live in, like, like the carrot is worthiness and worthiness is dangled as the care on the end of the stick and that you’re never going to get to this carrot that you are going to be like, okay, like if you just lose 10 more pounds, if you just like, do you know all of these things like, then your life is gonna be great. You’re gonna have the hottest boyfriend, you’re gonna live in the best you know, like everything’s gonna be awesome. And then all of us are like hustle hustling for this worthiness that and I could just see like that is a lie that that worthiness has no currency that we are all worthy as book and that the only prerequisite for worth is existing, and that there’s nothing we need to do to achieve it. And I just like I like felt this, this knowing of my inherent worthiness, like come into my body, like from like, like, and by seeing myself reflected in nature around me something that I had been told that I was separate from my entire life. Yeah, and I cut my way those bushes, and it was like, truly like I was cutting away the story is like, I was just like putting them away. And I like showed up to circle and I was like, covered in dirt, my hair was like, easy, and I like twigs, like sticking out of my clothes. And I was just like that changed everything for me, that day changed everything. And suddenly, like I was moving in a way from worthiness where I was like, this body is incredible. And it’s worth, like taking care of and like, but it wasn’t, I wasn’t moving in a different way to look a different way. I was like moving from a place of inherent worthiness and like that I deserve to take care of myself. And so like my entire relationship to food changed my entire relationship, like to movement change to being outside changed. And like, as a side effect, my body changed, but I just like, want to take a couple moments here to talk about privilege for one, you know, that like, not everyone has the privilege to spend a couple grand to go like frolic in the woods. And also like that not like the privilege of being able to, like, spend most of my money on food and like that, that, you know, like that, that became my priority was like the food that I put in my body. And that access to that is a massive privilege, and you know, like, awareness and education and like all and all of that is a massive, massive privilege. And, and also that my body might not have changed. And I do want to like that’s like a huge thing in the work that I do is like that, that that fatness and like your weight does not correlate to health and like that I very easily could have easily changed all of the same behaviors and not lost a single pound and like, and that that that could have been that could have been possible to like you can change every major health metric, your cardiovascular health, like your cholesterol, all of these things without losing a single pound it happened that my body changed in this drastic way. But that anyway, just I feel it feels important to like, qualify those things.
Carly Someplace
Absolutely. But when Yeah, is it important to qualify? Yeah,
Ali Bravo
very important. But the you know, my and it was like, I don’t think I would have lost a single pound if I like didn’t hadn’t believed in like my absolute inherent worthiness At my heaviest, you know, and I so wish that I had beautiful pictures of myself at that at that site. I mean, I have pictures of myself being fat and fabulous, but have I’ve like naked pictures of myself to like, hang on my wall with love and adoration and so much, you know, so much celebration of the sacred of My sacred body. And you know, and I’ve done that now I have beautiful naked portrait of not not like it was like a year ago of and holy shit. Let me tell you that when your body drastically change, you get a whole new set of insecurities that pop up. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because all of a sudden, like, you know, my giant breasts that had been such a big part of of my fatness of like, my sexiness of right like I was like, Okay, well, if I’m fat, then like, I have to be sexy. And I have these like, big large breasts that Roy that was part of the corset wearing was like having my tits up to my chin. And which was great. Oh, my God, I missed that sometimes of that I used to get and but but yeah, so all of a sudden, like and like things get loose. And so so suddenly, it was like, I was doing this thing that society had told me that I needed to do, right, like I was like, You must lose weight, and then you know, and then everything will be perfect. And so all of a sudden, like stuff wasn’t perfect. I didn’t have the perfect boyfriend or the perfect life or like all of these things. And now like, so I wasn’t fat anymore, but I wasn’t. But now my skin. Now I wasn’t young and perky. Right. Right. And so it’s like a whole new set. And I was like, Wait, hold on a minute. Because I always thought like, if I could always if I could just do that then everything would change. And so I just I got to see even more stories where like, no one is free of this. Yeah, there’s a $450 billion beauty industry with a vested interest in us hating ourselves. Yeah. And so I love shaking my saggy tints all around. And my and my gray hairs and my beautiful stretch marks and my fucking amazing cellulite like, like, fuck, fuck the system. Fuck you’re
Carly Someplace
exactly that.
Ali Bravo
That’s a little bit of my journey.
Carly Someplace
Just a little a little bit You fit? And so like, that totally answers like one of the interview questions that I usually ask people. What What was the catalyst of like becoming like falling more in love with yourself and doing all of that? I want to pose frolicking in the forest. Yeah. But I want to pose that same question when it comes to sex, sexuality and kink. Like I think that it’s extremely relevant because our bodies are are such. I mean, obviously our bodies are an instrument during sex and our bodies are an instrument for us to feel both pain and pleasure and all of these everything in between. So I’m curious. So we’ll modify that question of like, when did you start to feel more comfortable in it just even like that inherent sexuality and different things like that? I’m super curious. Yeah,
Ali Bravo
totally. Well, I’m just I’m harkening back on this one memory, and it was also during the pandemic, and I was seeing, I was seeing someone new. And he was like, poster boy hot, like, just like ripped muscles, like chisel just like beautiful, beautiful man. And he was coming up for a date. And I was like, so nervous. And at that point, I was, you know, I still had I mean, and not at that point, I still, like, you know, is as confident as I am, like, stuff still comes up. And I literally had not been on on top during sex for years and years and years, because I was so self conscious of my belly. And like how my belly looked and like, yeah, like, it prevented me from being on top during sight, which is like blows my mind now like thinking about it, like what the hell, right? I actually did, a friend of mine had a zoom. He was he was doing a weekly zoom call, like gathering like hit all like friends, because he has friends from all different corners and having these like, beautiful conversations. And there was a naked there was a naked one. And it scared me and I have a rule around fear. Fear is a friend of mine. And free fear tells me where I should run towards to get out of my comfort zone and to change and to grow. Yep. And so I did the naked dinner, and we got up one by one. And like, talked about our relationships with our bodies, and then stripped naked. It was so powerful. And so I got up and I was talking about like the insecurity I felt in my body where I was like, I feel pretty great like naked, standing still. But like moving like in this new body, like I’m self conscious. And so I got naked and shook my saggy boobs, and my belly skin at the camera in front of I knew two of the people and for the people were strangers. And it was so powerful. It was so incredibly powerful. And then I spoke my truth to this budding partner who like became my actual partner, and I called him and I was like, Hey, I’m feeling insecure about being naked, and especially being on top and he like, celebrated the hell out of my vulnerability and just held me so tenderly there. And by the time he got there, it was gone. Like the fear was dark. I wrote him like a cowgirl and like it was yeah, like it was no good and like and now I just so much of that has dissolved like I’m trying to think of like, the last time I got selfconscious around around, you know, and it’s not, it hasn’t changed. Like I still have saggy boobs and the saggy belly but like, I’m just so in love with those parts of myself now and yeah, so getting naked on the Zoom call and shaken my bits around.
Carly Someplace
The moment Yeah. Okay, y’all, that is all for this week. Again, we are splitting this episode with Ally into two parts. And I cannot wait for you to join us next week to hear even more as we start deeply discussing getting into kink, getting comfortable with kink. And be sure to tune in next week, and we will be able to introduce you to a whole new world. Thanks so much for listening to someplace for everybody. If you love this episode, would you mind leaving me a review in your favorite podcast app and subscribe to the show. If you’re looking for a community to live on you and support you in your self love Journey, come join our all gender Facebook group someplace for everybody which can be found in the show notes at someplace for everybody.com Until we meet again, be kind to yourself.
